Don't Go Sea Treking, Go SeaTrekking!

Introducing the exciting sport of queuing underwater

We had never heard of Sea Trekking and when we did, what came to mind was a picture of fat tourists, large surface-supplied helmets framing their terrified faces, groping their way along a submerged guideline.

This, they would undoubtedly have been told when they parted with their hard-earned cash, would be an undersea adventure like no other. It’ll be like you’re Captain Nemo undertaking a fantasy walk beneath the waves just like in the Jules Verne classic. Sea Treking requires no swimming ability, no previous experience or specialised skills. Just descend into the water, travel along the pre-set route and enjoy the “once-in-a-lifetime adventure” of being surrounded by marine life of all shapes and sizes. Yawn!

Of course, more often than not, the helmet-encased tourists stir up so much sand and sediment as they haul themselves across the seabed that the fantasy adventure soon turns into a hellish walk where the only thing visible through the murk is the odd wrasse flitting between the clouds of silt and bubbles. And not all the bubbles come from the same ends….

We cannot think of a more horrendous way to spend thirty minutes of our life than to be herded like cattle across the sea floor, our heads enclosed in a cyberman’s helmet, trying to avoid looking at the wobbling backside of the flatulent Homer Simpson look-alike in front. It’s not a Jules Vernesque adventure, it’s hell in high water and the very thought brings shivers to our collective spine.

Coasteering

Fortunately however there is another form of Sea Trekking, one that is much more to our taste. Back in 2005, so the story goes, a group of youngish people who enjoyed hiking decided that walking around the coast was fun but what would be much more fun is if they added the sea to their hiking trails. Ah, you might exclaim, they’ve discovered Coasteering. That sport where you hike around the coastal fringes leaping in and out of the sea etc. Err… Well… Yes and no. SeaTrekking combines hiking, snorkelling and freediving and although it shares some similarities with Coasteering it has several significant differences one of which is that unlike Coasteering, the SeaTrekker doesn’t see the water as an obstacle to be navigated, rather it is a part of a journey that should be enjoyed. SeaTrekking is about traversing coastal areas, travelling above, in and below the water as much as travelling on land. SeaTrekkers spend days, even weeks exploring the coast carrying everything they need with them and at night they camp beneath the stars on secluded beaches and coves. Some of you might consider such an activity as rather romantic, an escape from the rat-race, exploring the shores less travelled and spending long evenings starring up at bejewelled skies. Others however, might be thinking that it sounds like hippy nonsense. The sort of stuff that pot-smoking wasters, who still wear tie-dyed t-shirts and refuse to wash their hair, dribble on about. In truth, both points of view are valid.

SeaTrekkers with kit

SeaTrekking is the brainchild of one Bernard Wache, whom it is fair to say, does have an air of hippydom about him. “We wanted to escape everyday life,” Wache explained to National Geographic Magazine, “We were looking for a way to feel what’s essential again.” However don’t think for one minute that he is just another airhead trying to “find himself”. For one thing, Wache is German, not the most airy-fairy of races we’re sure you’ll agree and for another he is a Designer and diver who has put some considerable effort into finding a way that the SeaTrekker can take their tent, cooking gear and spare underwear with them into the water without ending up with pile of smelly damp stuff at the end of each day. The first example of what would become a lifelong obsession to design watertight gear for the sport was a simple garbage bag that he tied around a sleeping bag and then to his foot. After that, he couldn’t let go of the idea of diving with camping gear. “I always wanted more time in the ocean,” the veteran snorkkeler and freediver explains, “going the most direct, puristic way I could imagine, without technology, boat, or backup.”

For a decade, he tinkered with ideas for how to keep his gear dry, sewing and gluing prototypes by hand in his basement. Finally in 2011, he contracted a company in Munich that make aluminum molds, and started commercial production. “Some people make a house, or a family,” Wache says. “I made a rucksack.” His new company Aetem, (which is similar to Atem the German word for "breath”) has plans to make new versions of the original waterproof rucksack, that will be better and cheaper.

Although still relatively new, SeaTrekking is gaining popularity as a sport and a dedicated community of intrepid adventurers is cropping up in Europe, Japan and beyond. Wache’s company Aetem, also offers tailored tours along coastlines not normally accessible by foot. Thailand, Croatia and Sardinia are just a few of the locations that can be visited.  

Oh the sense of freedom you get from packing stuff

SeaTrekking, with its adventurous spirit of exploration, love of nature and romantic notions of getting-away-from-it-all sounds marvellous but we do have a few issues. For instance the current waterproof bag, on offer on Aetem’s website, retails at over 900 Euros. That’s not cheap and even if the newer versions come in at half that price, that won’t be cheap either. Secondly there is that entire hippy, Gaia loving, anti-materialism stuff that fills the Aetem and SeaTrekking community website. In fairness there is nothing wrong with wanting to get back to nature, but it does sound a bit hypocritical if the way you go about “escaping everyday life” is to manufacture and sell a very expensive product and then move into the world of commercial tour guiding. Selling stuff seems a strange way of escaping materialism. These are minor issues however, born from too many beers and, in all honesty, a little bit of jealousy. You see, what Wache calls SeaTrekking, is very similar to what we’ve been doing for years (except we call it extreme snorkelling), we just didn’t think to try and make money out of it. But then nor did we realise that we needed to take a great big waterproof backpack filled with camping gear with us when we go for a days snorkelling, as we tend to have a 4x4 waiting for us at journey’s end. We like to call this: planning ahead. Then again, running a adventure tour company or designing a waterproof rucksack seems like a lot work to us and we’d rather be snorkelling. 

Nitpicking and jealousy aside, we think SeaTrekking is not a bad way of spending some free-time and if you are of bold spirit and are a good swimmer we’d recommend you give it a go because as once-in-a-lifetime underwater adventures go, SeaTrekking kicks the proverbial brown stuff out of Sea Treking.

By the way we have joined the SeaTrekking community, we don’t know why but it seemed like a good idea at the time. We may however be posting some stuff on their website so why not have a look around now and again. 

Rob Stewart’s Rebreather Ninja In The Dock

On a cold February night, in an unremarkable London pub an argument broke out. The argument was long, heated and at times rather abusive. One bloke, called Bob, even walked out saying he just couldn’t reason with the others. He hasn’t been seen since. So what was the argument about? Well it was about the sad death of Rob Stewart, he of Sharkwater fame. There were seemingly so many questions surrounding the events leading up to his death.

Why did Rob undertake a third deep dive of the day using a rebreather when he was relatively inexperienced with rebreathers and had never made such deep dives before? Why was the instructor the first out of the water rather than Rob (the student)? How did no one notice when Rob sunk below the surface again and “disappeared”? Why did it take so long to find his body considering it was eventually found 300 metres from his last known location? The questions just kept on coming and because no one had any answers everyone was forced to speculate and speculation leads to people called Bob making rude gestures and walking out.

Now it seems that those questions and many more might just get answered. The family of Rob Stewart have filed a lawsuit against Horizon Diving Adventures of Key Largo, Florida, Add Helium of Fort Lauderdale, Florida and a certain Peter Sotis who ran Add Helium. You may be familiar with the story of Rob Stewart’s final dive but in case you are not here’s a quick recap. Just before Christmas 2016 Rob Stewart posted on Facebook that he was “looking for a rebreather ninja mid-January in Florida for some 300ft dives to film for Sharkwater 2… Let me know if you’re interested and super-capable”

There is something troubling about the word “ninja” to us. Perhaps nowadays “ninja” means some technical wizard or superhuman that work wonders but to us a ninja is a shadowy Japanese assassin who didn’t like attacking people head on but instead preferred to attack when they were most vulnerable – when they were eating, asleep or on the toilet. 

Whatever Rob Stewart meant by the term, the ninja he got was Peter Sotis, owner and training director of Add Helium. Rob must already have known Peter, as he trained on Rebreathers at Add Helium back in August that year. Add Helium claims to have educated “more rebreather divers, instructors and instructor trainers than anyone else… Period” Peter Sotis allegedly regards himself as a leader in rebreather diving if not the leader and says his team “consistently pushes the limits as they explore deep walls in excess of 600ft” It could be argued that Peter was definitely pushing the limits on the day in question. Peter and Rob had already made two (hopefully planned) dives on the Queen Nassau, that lies in over 200ft of water off the Florida Keys. where Rob hoped to film the endangered Sawfish. The third dive however, seems to have been unplanned as it is alleged that the only reason that dive was undertaken was to re-cover a $15 grappling hook which had been placed on the wreck and was attached to a surface buoy that marked the location of the dive site. It was on this dive that Peter and Rob encountered difficulties. Accounts say that on surfacing Peter Sotis (the instructor remember) was first to board the boat, promptly collapsed and required urgent oxygen therapy. It was whilst everyone was attending to the instructor that the student, Rob Stewart, slipped back beneath the waves and sank to his untimely death. Three days later, following a search that encompassed miles upon miles of ocean, Rob’s body was finally located a mere 300 metres from where he had originally surfaced.

At the time, very few people knew much about Peter Sotis and it is possible that if Rob had known a little more about his “rebreather ninja” he wouldn’t have been that eager to push the limits with him. For Peter Sotis seems to have a rather murky past. He is, for one thing, a convicted armed robber and is under investigation by the U.S. Dept of Commerce for selling Chinese made Scuba Cylinders with faked CE certificates. Perhaps worse still, Peter Sotis is under investigation by the FBI and U.S. Dept for Homeland Security for allegedly selling military spec rebreathers to Libyan Militants despite being advised not to by U.S. Authorities. There is conflicting information regarding whether the equipment in question really was military grade or whether the Libyans were terrorists but Peter’s own business partner, Shawn Robotka, also filed a lawsuit against him alleging that the sale was illegal, contravened U.S. arms embargoes and that Peter Sotis went ahead with the sale despite knowing that it was in fact, unlawful and that the buyer was a known militant in the region. Reports also say that a disgruntled shareholder has pulled his money from the Add Helium bank account forcing the company's closure. Peter Sotis and several other directors of Add Helium have now filed for bankruptcy. Which suggests that there will be little left to pay the Stewart Family should the court find in their favour. But then that is beside the point. As the Stewart family have made clear, this is not about compensation, it’s about safety.

Rob Stewart's death was clearly preventable and by being so it is all the more tragic. But perhaps there is a silver lining in the cloud. Rob Stewart wasn’t just another tourist that nobody had ever heard of. He was an accomplished SCUBA diver, photographer and world famous documentary maker. And it is that fame that will bring the ensuing court case to attention of the world.

There are going to be a lot of people squirming uncomfortably in chairs soon and not all of those will be facing the lawyers in court. As the case unfolds a great many questions are going to be asked about the diving industry itself; about rebreathers, their use by sport divers and the whole training, licensing and regulation of those who claim to be diving instructors or even diving ninjas.  For years we have been saying that there are far too many idiots in the diving industry, far too many charlatans and far too many self-appointed experts who want to push the limits. And for years people like Peter Sotis keep proving our point and yet the idiots still prosper and the deaths continue to rack up. Rob Stewart, one of the worlds greatest advocates for sharks, has become one more name on the diving worlds long list of needless deaths. How much longer will it be before the diving industry realises it has a bloody big problem?

Links: 

Lawsuit story; watch the videos to see the Stewart family Lawyer outline the case

Stewart Lawsuit

Shawn Robotka Lawsuit

One Drowning Too Many! Full-Face Snorkelling Masks And One Man’s Quest For Answers

In February 2016 we wrote post about the spread of full-face masks. In that post and its forerunner we highlighted the fact that the full-face design is inherently flawed. We weren’t the only ones who had our doubts about these masks either. Even the manufacturers own literature pointed out a number of innate problems, one of which was, that if you attempted to swim whilst wearing the mask you soon found out that you couldn’t get enough air to breathe. In short if you got in to difficulty in the water and needed to swim for safety, you were going to have to remove the mask or risk suffocating. The full-face design also risks CO2 build up and if it leaks, vision and breathing are compromised simultaneously. As we said in posts, these are rather serious flaws in a mask that is marketed at people who don’t like getting their faces wet! Swimming, breathing and being able to see simultaneously are, you’d think, rather important for snorkellers and any mask that compromises all three so readily was, in our opinion, a pretty poor product all round.

Judging by the comments we received, a great number of people had suffered serious problems whilst using full-face masks. One comment, however, stood out. That comment came from Guy Cooper. Guy’s wife tragically died whilst snorkelling in Pohoiki Bay, Hawaii. Now, we could write a dozen posts about what happened that day and a dozen more about Guy’s tenacious search for answers but we’d rather he told you himself.  Below is the address that Guy gave to The State Drowning and Aquatic Injury Prevention Advisory Committee, Honolulu, Hawaii on March 15^th this year and has kindly permitted us to use. We have not edited the address or amended it in anyway. This is Guy’s story and these are his words.

I’m here to talk about snorkeling.  I have to preface that by saying I’m by no means an expert.  In fact, I’ve never been snorkeling.  So, I’ll explain what brought me here.  Many of you already know my story.

I lost my wife to a snorkeling accident this past September.  Soon as I got word, I caught the first flight over here.  This is my third trip since then, trying to understand what happened— visiting the site, speaking and corresponding with police, 1st responders, ocean safety officials, doctors, divers and the woman who managed to get Nancy to shore.

Pohoiki Bay was calm that day.  Nancy went in the water with a buddy.  As was her habit, she floated passively on the surface so as not to “scare the little fishes”.  After about 30 minutes her buddy left her side to dive off the rocks.  (He should never have done that.)  Returning to the rocks after one dive, he realized he couldn’t spot Nancy.  After some minutes of scanning the water, he heard and saw a woman surfer across the Bay waving her arms and yelling for help.  A few young guys jumped in and helped her and Nancy to shore.  CPR was performed, but she was gone.  She had been in the water less than an hour, in Hawaii less than 24 hours.

A little background.  Nancy was 70 years old.  She was not a novice snorkeler. nor a stranger to snorkeling Hawaiian waters.  She swam laps nearly everyday.  We had just hiked all over the hills of southern Italy.  We enjoyed biking, hiking, snow shoeing, kayaking.  As a young girl she was recruited by a professional water skiing team.  Later, she organized river-rafting trips.  She was always physically active and at home in the water. The coroner surmised she must have suffered some acute coronary event that precipitated her drowning.  He referred to a known history of ischemic heart disease.  Don’t know where that info came from.  I was never asked about her medical history nor anything else for that matter.  She had no such history, and even the physical findings of the autopsy contradict that conclusion.  There seems to be a prevalent attitude amongst some over here (Hawaii) that dead tourists were old and in the way.  To my mind, the heart attack assumption just makes the coroner’s job that much easier.

So what did go wrong? I started thinking about that new full-face snorkel mask of hers.  She was so eager to use it in Hawaii.  She tried it out a few times in the local pool before the trip. She bought it on Amazon, so I started perusing those reviews.  I was shocked to read of these masks having inherent, potentially lethal design and manufacturing flaws.  And alarmed that they were being marketed as great for beginners, and kids.  I expanded my search to various snorkeling and dive web sites and learned a lot. These masks have to be strapped tightly around the head to achieve a good seal, yet they still leak, sometimes copiously.  Valves and other structures have been reported failing.  Once they fill with water, there’s no easy, quick way to empty them.  Your mouth and nose are captive together, so there’s no escape.  You can drown in them. There are other reports of snorkelers experiencing air hunger, CO2 build-up and rapid fatigue.  So you can fall victim to dizziness, disorientation, hyperventilation, panic and loss of consciousness.  Then you drown.

My wife was found floating face up with her mask partially pulled up over her nose so that both her nose and mouth were exposed.  That tells me she was in trouble and tried to get the damn thing off, too late. I wondered if there were other reports of fatalities involving these masks.  I looked up reports of snorkeling fatalities and near drowning incidents from around the world.  That’s when I realized, my god, no one is paying any attention!  Not one mention of the gear.  My wife’s mask was just tossed in the trash.  These things could be killing others, and no one knows!  Not only are the risks unrecognized, but I could find no evidence of any independent testing or certification of these things. Wouldn’t you want to know if these masks represent a significant danger?

I started to educate myself about snorkeling in general.  I found it is not exactly the benign, lightweight activity it’s promoted as being.  Many significant physiologic stressors can come into play.  The Australians have coined the phrase Fatal Silent Snorkeling Syndrome.  The Japanese use the term Takotsubo, referred to as the “Broken Heart Syndrome”.  A study out of the Temple University School of Medicine in Philadelphia identifies a number of inherent stressors.  Dr. Douglas Smith, from Hawaii, promotes Slow, Safe, Snorkel Breathing techniques to counter some of the ventilation issues arising from the sport.  The whole subject of snorkeling physiology begs further study.

So on one hand you have an activity rife with significant physical demands, then you exacerbate the situation by adding a new piece of inadequately vetted equipment with inherent design flaws.  A perfect storm. Look, I’m aware of the demographic considerations.  Hawaiian tourists, like the population in general, aren’t getting any younger.  Many are probably over-extending themselves in this age of “active lifestyles”, and Viagra….

That’s all the more reason to fashion a robust, realistic tourist education effort that both alerts the public to the challenges of snorkeling and teaches them the skills they need to ameliorate the risks.  That will help ensure that the tourists return from their vacation healthy and happy and pass on their positive experiences to others. All I ask is that you give serious consideration to the role of these new masks.  Devote the resources to collect the data.  Incorporate the data in incident reports and data bases.  Look for trends.  Make the coroner aware of their use.  Secure the gear as evidence.  Only then will you truly be able to assess the risk.

Some have said there just aren’t many of these new masks out there yet.  No action needed.  I suspect there will be more. It could be that my wife’s death represents the very first fatality involving a full-face mask.  Well, one’s enough for me.

Nancy Peacock’s death was a tragedy but there have been tragedies before. Hawaii has a notorious reputation for snorkelling related drownings and one more fatality in those sparkling waters could easily have been passed over were it not for one man who kept asking questions. Since Guy gave that address, Lifeguards in Maui have begun tracking equipment worn by snorkellers who drown in their jurisdiction and other counties of Hawaii appear poised to do the same. Health officials and safety experts in Hawaii are looking at collecting the data necessary to better evaluate full-face masks and possibly even conduct controlled scientific studies on it and we’re sure that it won’t be long before other officials from other nations start doing the same. Guy Cooper may, single-handedly, brought about the biggest change in snorkelling safety ever!

The full story and further material can be found on the Civil Beat website - follow the links. Again we liked to thank Guy for letting us publish his address in full. We wish you all the best Guy and as snorkellers, we thank you.

Guy Coopers story

Counties to track equipment in snorkelling deaths

Fatal Silent Snorkeling Syndrome Facebook page

Arrggh! The Intova’s Gone Pffttt. So We’re Gonna Need Another Action Camera And That’s Giving Us A Headache

Intova Edge X

The Intova Edge X was made for the water. It was the first completely sealed action camera, it was waterproof to 60 metres and was protected by a tough rubber armoured shell. It also had everything that any water fanatic or adrenalin junkie would want including GPS, WiFi and an array of other technical things to excite the amateur underwater photographer. It was great and we liked it so much we bought one. Now though, our beloved little armoured friend has developed the rather irritating problem of freezing up. Yep, just when that huge barracuda came into the view or that massive shoal of fish headed straight for the lens, the Intova decided to throw a wobbly and froze. Now, due to the fact that the camera’s warranty had expired, the only way to solve this problem was to open it up and carry out a reset procedure or hurl it hard against a wall. Neither though, are very practical solutions when in the water. So as we begin planning our trips for 2017 we’ve come to the conclusion that we are going to have to relegate the Edge X to a minor supporting role and give the lead to another camera but which one?

A few years ago buying an action camera was easy; you walked into a shop, asked for an action camera and were promptly sold a small box called a GoPro. Nowadays though, there is so much choice out there, it is hard to know which camera is best. Fortunately however, there is a font of knowledge within easy reach. Just a few clicks on the old trusty computer and hey presto the interwebby gods will present you with a cornucopia of reviews. In fact, there are so many reviews out there you might start to think that you are the only person on the planet who hasn’t looked at, compared, tested and studiously examined every inch of every camera that has ever been made. Which presents another problem. Which review do you believe? Is the reviewer really independent or are they being paid to review the camera, in which case was it an advertisement masquerading as a review? And, perhaps more importantly, does the review actually help the decision making process?

Well let’s put it the to the test. We’re going to look for a new action camera and buy the one the reviews say are the best. As we liked the Intova Edge X so much, we should probably start with the Edge X’s direct replacement the X2. The X2 is a striking looking camera and if looks alone were what we were going for then we would already have hit the add-to-cart button on this one. But looks aren’t everything are they? So what do the reviews say. All the reviews highlighted the X2’s inbuilt flash/video light and the fact that it can take 16mp photos as opposed to the 12mp that is common for this class of camera. The X2 also has a 2 inch LCD screen so you can see what you’re shooting, is waterproof to 60m and like the Edge X is surrounded by an almost indestructible rubberised shell. Priced at £300, give or take a few pounds, the X2 isn’t the most expensive camera out there and every review seems to be in agreement: The X2 is a small, rugged camera designed to go anywhere and capture that “adventure”. In short, everyone seemed to like it. Which doesn’t really help does it? Then there is the niggling thought that although Intova have added a light and made the camera better looking, the software issue that affects the Edge X may also affect the X2. And, it will probably affect it exactly one day after the warranty expires too. That said though, we like Intova and as all the reviews confirm, the X2 is a well-designed camera that seems to suit our needs. But, before we calm our niggling doubts over the software with some cold beer and part with £300, is there anything else out there that’s better?

 

Intova X2

Well Intova isn’t the only manufacturer we like. Last year we bought an Olympus TG-4 and we liked it a lot. Now Olympus has launched its own action camera onto the market. It’s called the Tracker and unlike most manufacturers in the sector, Olympus have not decided to follow the GoPro box design but have gone for a smaller version of a traditional camcorder design. Being part of the Tough range of cameras the Tracker is freezeproof, crushproof, shockproof and waterproof to 30m. The Tracker has an inbuilt light for shooting in low light and has an auto detect feature that automatically senses it’s underwater and switches to optimal mode for shooting beneath the waves. It also has a wide angle lens and one of the fastest shutter speeds of any camera in its class, which means it’s great for action shots. The Tracker looks good too. So what do the reviews make of this camera? Well, everyone liked it. They really did, it got a 5/5 in some ratings and depending on the retailer, you can pick up a Tracker for less than £270, which makes it cheaper than the X2. The Tracker also has 4k video resolution unlike the X2. However, the X2 has 16mp resolution whilst the Tracker has only 8mp. Now some reviews pointed out that the Tracker’s LCD screen only flips out rather than flipping out and rotating. Now if we had a problem with flipping screens not rotating then this could be deal breaker but we don’t. So there you have it. We are going to push the X2 aside and buy a Tracker. After all, the reviews all say it’s great. But then they said the X2 was great as well didn’t they? Err… This is getting confusing. Maybe we should look around a bit more. See what else is available.

Olympus TG-Tracker with pistol grip

After all, we haven’t even considered the elephant in the room yet have we? We are of course talking about the GoPro Hero 5 Black. The Hero 5 sits like a smug cat atop the ever-growing pile of GoPro imitators that exist in the action camera sector, according to some reviews at least. Now we have never really liked GoPro’s. We never liked the boxiness, the lack of a view screen, the unbelievably expensive range of accessories and the sense that if we ever bought one we’d have to grow our hair long, dye it blonde, take up snowboarding, start using the word “radical” in everyday conversation, change our name to Tristan Hansard-Faffyman and become friends with Gareth “I own a fairtrade coffee shop” Beardybloke. You know what we mean here. GoPros' were for Lycra-clad nutcases on overpriced bicycles or baggy trousered snowboarders that hurtle down the slopes knocking everyone else over. They were not for snorkellers, freedivers or bubble blowers. But GoPro seemed to have picked up on this and made the GoPro Hero 5 more appealing to people who don’t shout all the time. Firstly it has an inbuilt 2 inch LCD screen so you can frame the shot. It has 4k video resolution, shoots 12mp photos, has an easy to use touch screen menu and comes complete with all the usual accoutrements of WiFi, GPS, video stabilisation and the rest. What makes this model really appealing is the fact that it is waterproof to 10m without a separate housing, making it perfect for snorkelling. Anyway what did the reviews say? Well, rather disappointingly, they all loved the Hero 5. Praise was universally gushing and it even got 5/5 on some reviews. People even praised the box it came in. It’s like wanting a sports car isn’t it? If you can afford a Ferrari why buy a Porsche. Likewise, if you can afford an expensive camera, why buy anything other than a GoPro Hero 5. Unless of course you realise that the GoPro 6 is due out later this year and in the world of shouty Tristan’s and lycra-clad cyclists, owning a 5 when a 6 is available is like getting your coffee from McDonalds rather than Beardyblokes Shangri-La Native Coffee Emporium. It’s just not fashionable and not being fashionable means that Tristan’s sister Jemima, nor any of her friends, will want to sleep with you. Yet the Hero 5 is still very popular and there is no doubting the quality of the video or photographs that are produced, so maybe it’s time to swallow our pride and join the shouty set. After all, all the reviews recommend it don’t they? So it is the one for us.

Buy one of these and Jemima might sleep with you

But wait. Maybe our prejudices run too deep and maybe we’re happy to be the only people in the pub who haven’t slept with Jemima and her friends so surely there must be another camera out there that stands up to the GoPro? What about the SeaLife Micro 2 HD or the new DC1400 or the DC1200 elite? What about the Nikon KeyMission 170 and then there are the cheaper versions like the Veho Muvi series, the Garmin Virbin or even the iSaw Edge? What do the reviews say about them? Well, that’s the problem really. All the reviews like all of them. So we’re back to square one really. We want to buy a camera but are not sure which is the best so maybe we should ignore the reviews altogether and just set some parameters.

The camera should be waterproof without a housing. It should be easy to operate underwater. It should be able to take 12mp images or above. It should be compatible with Intova and GoPro clips and accessories and it should be less than £500. Right, that’s the Intova X2 then. Oh, but wait, that doesn’t have 4K! Well it’ll be the Hero 5 then… But wait, do we all want to change our name to Tristan? It’s the Olympus Tracker then. But wait that doesn’t do 12mp and the screen doesn’t rotate and maybe that will be a problem. Ohh…. This is becoming ridiculous… We’re going to need to read some more reviews. Visit some more photography sites and do an in-depth comparison. Barman, we’re going to need more beer… Or maybe… We can get the Edge X fixed.

Right… Camera repair shops; which is the best one?

Is this any good? How should we know?