Smug Divers Laugh At Red-Faced Snorkeller At Their Peril

Our bubble blowing brethren have been peeing their wetsuits with laughter recently due to a rather embarrassed snorkeller. Whilst snorkelling off Clifton Gardens in Australia the aforementioned snorkeller spotted a couple of large sea urchins between the rocks. Being a public spirited fellow when it comes to safety but damn bad at differentiating between normal marine life and explosive ordinance, the snorkeller in question decided that that these relatively harmless sea urchins were in fact unexploded mines and promptly called the police. The Aussie boys in blue, being somewhat sceptical, showed the man photographs of urchins and mines, just to be sure. The snorkeller however was adamant that what he had seen were mines and having to take the necessary precautions the police were forced to call in the Navy. Unfortunately the Navy's specialist divers weren't immediately available and the police were forced to put a maritime exclusion zone in place. When the divers did investigate they found exactly what the snorkeller had – two large urchins between the rocks. Now we can all laugh at stupid incidents like these, unless you're the Aussie taxpayer whose picking up the bill, but one comment has stuck in our collective craw. In the Beachcomber section of the British Diver magazine the embarrassing incident was recanted with a humorous flourish but ended with: No it really did happen recently, but he was a snorkeller not a diver so it is almost excusable, almost.

Now it could be argued that Diver Magazine was pointing out that no diver would have been that stupid but since it was a lowly snorkeller, such a mistake was forgiveable. Equally it could be argued that Diver Magazine was hinting at the fact that such an incident would be far more embarrassing if it had been a diver and not a snorkeller. Which, if you think about it, is even more patronising than the former. Either way the impression is that Diver Magazine thinks snorkellers aren't as intelligent as your average bubble blower and can be forgiven for doing silly things like not being able to spot the difference between an urchin and a mine. 
 

The idea that snorkellers are somehow dumber than divers is of course quite ludicrous. As we've pointed out on the pages of this blog, divers are far from innocent when it comes to doing dumb things. So in the interests of the defence Mi'lord, let's cast a legal-eye over the diving world's long list of stupidity. Some of which are simply idiotic, whilst some border on the criminally incompetent.

First up for the defence Mi'lord is an editorial from December 2015 by Mark Evans, editor of Sport Diver Magazine, the official PADI publication in the U.K. The editorial concerned the Sport Diving teams trip to Gozo, Malta. Here is the verbatim bit. 
 

Our trip was sadly marred by bad weather, namely strong winds which rendered many sites off limits, yet I was shocked that some independent groups of divers were still attempting to get in, or had got in, at sites that experienced centres had deemed unfit. At one location, I saw three well-known centres rock up in their vans; the instructors surveyed the conditions, and then called the dive, heading off to find more-suitable surroundings for their divers. Yet there were a group of obviously fairly inexperienced divers who were being badgered and cajoled by their group leader that “it was fine” and “this is what we are trained for”, Christ, these were pleasure divers, it wasn’t a Special Forces drill! At another site, I saw a couple who were clearly novices, and they had a bit of a battle getting out of the water due to the swell washing up and down the shore. Their instructor was stood up above them on the shoreline helpfully telling them to hurry up but not offering them any assistance! So please, whether you are diving in Malta and Gozo, right here in the U.K. or anywhere else for that matter, make your own mind up about the conditions and whether you want to dive. Do not feel pressured to get into the water – any instructor or dive leader worth their salt would not make you do anything you didn’t want to do. And remember if you do go in despite your reservations and it all goes horribly pear-shaped, the odds are that the person who ends up in serious trouble will be you, not your instructor.

So even Sport Diver Magazine agrees that there are very, very, very dumb instructors out there. Or should we call them Brad's? Those badge strewn types who believe that sport diving is the realm of the macho, wannabe SAS soldier. Either way it's pretty stupid to take novices diving in poor conditions. Should we send the jury out now? No. Okay. Then next we turn our attention to the Sundiver. The Sundiver Express is a charter boat and in 2004 happily sailed away from a dive site leaving a certain Dan Carlock alone in the water. No one on the vessel noticed this. A Dive Master working for Venice-based Ocean Adventures marked Dan Carlock present on the dive roster, even though he was absent when the remainder of the divers returned. As strong currents were picking up, the crew decided to move to a second dive site about seven miles away. When the divers left the boat for their second dive, Carlock was once again marked on the roster, even though he was on his own, several miles away from the boat. Three hours after leaving Carlock behind, the crew finally realised he was missing. 6 Years after the incident, Dan Carlock was awarded $1.68 Million in compensation for post traumatic stress and the fact that he developed skin cancer as a result of the sunburn he sustained while adrift. Now, to leave a diver behind would be stupid wouldn't it? But to mark that diver present not once but twice, even though he was several miles away bobbing about on his lonesome in a very big ocean seems beyond stupid. Still you'd imagine that the Sundiver Express team would have learnt their lesson – never again would that happen! Err.... I'm afraid you're wrong Mi'lord. On 29^th December 2015 the Charter left another diver behind. That morning, Laurel Silver-Valker, went diving for lobsters off the coast of Catalina Island with Sundiver Express. The boat left the dive site without realising Silver-Valker wasn’t on board. The boat returned to search for Silver-Valker but was unable to find her and notified the Coast Guard. She has never been found.

So, Dive Master's who can't count? And a Dive Charter that repeats the same mistake in 2015, with even more disastrous results, than its previous error in 2004. Now that's got to be stupid hasn't it? Still not convinced. Okay then how about this. In Antigua in 2007, two British divers were abandoned for five hours when the dive boat they were diving from weighed anchor and left. The two Dive Masters and one Instructor aboard seem to have miscounted and were only made aware that 2 of the 13 divers who were supposed to be aboard were missing when the divers wives enquired about their husbands whereabouts when the boat returned to dock. Fortunately, both were rescued, although they did suffer sunburn, cuts and stings during their ordeal. The outcome however could have been very different with rescuers of the two men slamming the dive crew as “breathtakingly irresponsible”. Just to re-cap Mi'lord, that's two Dive Masters and one Instructor on board who didn't seem to notice that 13 had become 11. Perhaps they were superstitious and didn't like the number 13 or perhaps they were really, really stupid. What do you think? Is that silly mistake by the Australian snorkeller looking rather tame in comparison. 

I think we can send the Jury out now don't you Mi'lord? But before we do, let's just bring up one last piece of evidence. An incident that proves that not all stupid things in the diving world can end in such a tragic way but can still ruin your career. Ladies and Gentlemen of the diving world, the defence would like to introduce you to Mr Mark Scott. Mr Scott is an SSI diving instructor in Vietnam or at least he was. Mark recently had his Licence revoked by the organisation for doing something that is pretty stupid and to be fair, pretty damned revolting. Mark was filmed dragging an octopus from its lair causing the animal extreme distress. To make matters worse, Mark posted the video on his facebook site causing a global stink on social media that led directly to him losing his licence. Now, we don't know if Mark is registered with any other diving organisation but judging from his website he does appear to be still working. Here's a little snippet from the blurb on his website:

You want to Become Teacher Leader Guide of The Underwater Scuba Diving World well I Am Happy to help You get started here in our Home of Nha Trang VietNam perfect learning Enviroment shallow water beginning Divers so plenty of practice to become the BEST... You Need a Love for Scuba Diving and just as Important a Sharing and Caring Love of Teaching . Yes You are a Teacher 1^st so if Teaching the Exciting World of Scuba Diving is for You?? SO IS MY COURSE.This Course is ONLY FOR People Who Can make Strong Comment to Having Highest Standards of Training Our Diving Friends. What Does This Mean???This is Training Except Standard of a Job Apply so All Candidates MUST be People of Good Character, NO Training Under Stress (No Party Animals Allowed), Dressed in Professional Manor, Enjoy Doing What We Do Share love Of Underwater World Scuba Diving.Can I go from Zero-Hero I Hate this phrase PADI* slogan I never wanted To Be Called a Zero Why would You So NO ZERO NEED APPLY.. Beginning Diver Welcomed. (padi/mcdonalds not My Favorite)Yes You can go from never having been Scuba Diving to a professional Diving Leader.As a Dive Professional You are often looked up to if you Earn that Right. Many Supposed People in the Scuba Diving Industry are far from being looked up to… You will not be one of Them but True Professional.AIl Our Programs based on 3 months of Diving Teaching and Training. During this Scuba Diving Adventure, I will be Your Teacher and Guide and You will also Teach Me as We Learn Together as Team. What I bring to Our Team is 34 years of Scuba Diving Experience and True Passion for Scuba Diving and Sharing this Love through Teach Others.What I want from You is a True Love of Becoming an Educator of the Underwater World of Scuba Diving.(sic)

Now we are just a group of snorkellers Mi'lord and aren't as intelligent as your average diver, so we have no idea if Mark's blurb is written in professional diver speak or is a very bad translation of Vietnamese into English. However Mark doesn't appear to be Vietnamese and judging by his name we would expect him to understand English. We would also expect him to check that his website has stuff on it that makes sense. Such a lack of attention to detail should worry the hell out of anyone thinking about learning to dive with Mark.... Interestingly though, and without excusing the Octopus incident, Mark might be a good diving instructor. He might even be a nice guy – we've never met him. More importantly, Mark hasn't killed anyone. What he did do was make a mistake, a pretty big one mind, but a mistake nevertheless. Yet SSI were quick to revoke his licence. The Sundiver Express, that boat in Antigua and the rest on the other hand, still seem to be working (Sundiver Express shouldn't have been working in 2015 mind, due to financial issues). Wouldn't it be nice if the glorious self-serving diving organisations revoked a few more licences now and then, for things like.... Oh say.... Being so incompetent that you kill people! And would it not be nice if the people who got so upset with Mark Scott on social media turned their attention to say.... Diving operations that can't count how many divers they have aboard at any one time? Just saying.

Anyway, the case for the defence would like to sum up Mi'lord. As we have seen divers can be dumb. And don't just take these few tragic incidents as proof. A relatively short dip into the scuba diving forums on the net will highlight a seemingly endless catalogue of divers doing and saying dumb things. From divers poking tiger sharks to see what happens, to divers being confused by time and tide, therefore missing their boat, to divers wondering out loud if rain is salty, you'll find the global diving brotherhood has some less than bright members. However, we are not saying for one minute that the world of snorkelling is any different. On the contrary there are some snorkellers out there who do such dumb things that their continual existence on the planet defies rational belief.

No. What we are saying is this. The snorkeller in Australia made a mistake. A very silly and probably very expensive one for the authorities but a mistake nonetheless. But he didn't make this mistake because he was a snorkeller, nor can it be proved that he wouldn't have made the same mistake if he were a diver. In fact we have no evidence to suggest he wasn't a qualified diver or for that matter a diving instructor who was snorkelling. Whether he was a snorkeller or a diver is, frankly, utterly irrelevant. He made the mistake because he couldn't tell the difference between something that can give you a nasty wound and something that can produce a very lethal and very loud bang. Dumb we agree. Excusable? No. However to make a comment that can be construed that snorkellers aren't as bright as divers in the way that Diver Magazine did, is pretty dumb as well. As we've stated before though, we're just snorkellers, so what would we know... Oh hang on. We can count. 13 minus two? That's 11. So maths, we know maths! Can you be sure your Dive Master knows maths as well? 

Have fun out there and watch out for all those dumb divers, snorkellers, swimmers, freedivers et al.

 
Mark Scott Makes A Social Media Gaffe

Some Interesting Reading

Stupid Divers

Cave Diver Harry

Mark Evan's Editorial

Sundiver Express 

 

Think You've Got Insurance To Snorkel? Think Again.

Going on a trip? Then you'll need to make sure that if anything untoward happens, you have insurance. Fortunately there are a whole host of men and women in swanky suits on the other end of your internet connection just waiting to offer you platinum cover insurance at rock bottom prices. Just click and pay and you're covered..... It's so easy. Ah if only it were so. Any seasoned traveller will be well aware that when it comes to insurance, the devil really is in the detail or to be more precise, it's in the microscopic small print. A recent article in the British Daily Mail newspaper highlighted the fact that a great majority of “cheap” insurance policies offered by insurers really aren't worth the paper they are printed on. We all know about the problems of excess payments and the fact that most insurers don't cover “hazardous activities” such as skiing, rock climbing and diving without you paying an extra premium, but few of us are probably aware that the swanky suited insurance salesmen also won't cover you for activities such as using a jet ski or going on one of those banana boat things. The article even pointed out that some policies were voided if you hurt yourself snorkelling.

Now many people consider snorkelling a sedate, unadventurous activity, that is fun for all the family. Some companies that offer snorkelling tours even suggest that because, in its most basic form, snorkelling only requires you to float on the surface, those undertaking the activity don't even have to be able to swim. So why wouldn't an insurance company cover you for bobbing about with your face in the water? Well one reason may be that, as we have pointed out before, snorkelling companies that say you don't need to be able to swim to be able to snorkel, are full of brown smelly stuff and shouldn't be trusted with their own safety let alone that of your children or elderly grandmother. Even at it's most sedentary, there are inherent dangers in snorkelling. You can suffer severe cuts from sharp coral and rocks, you can be bashed off the same coral and rocks by wave action and suffer bumps, bruises, broken bones and fractured skulls. A great number of seemingly innocuous marine life are armed with venomous spines and barbs. And. A great many more can tear huge lumps out of you. Then of course there are those uninsured jet skiers and fat people on banana boats speeding about the place with carefree abandon. Most of whom couldn't spot a terrible haircut from three feet (mainly there own) let alone a small head bobbing around in the waves. And it doesn't stop there. Snorkellers can suffer severe sunburn, they can develop hypothermia, get dragged out to sea by strong currents and finally, even if you can swim, you can still bloody well drown.

All of these are worst case scenarios of course, but that's what insurers work on. They are taking a gamble, albeit a calculated one, that you are a sensible person who isn't going to do anything silly and therefore put yourself and their livelihood at risk. Let's face it, if insurers just went on the idea that they would insure anyone to do anything then they'd have to charge premiums so high that no one could afford them and therefore go out of business 24 hours after they started. There is another reason though and that is that insurers are not only taking a calculated risk on you not doing anything silly whilst on holiday, they're also taking a calculated risk that you will be so thrilled by the cheap cost of your insurance that, even if you could find it, you won't bother to read or for that matter, understand the small print. They didn't get those swanky suits by paying claims now did they?

So what can the average snorkeller with an average pay packet do to ensure that they have insurance cover that allows them to partake in their sporting hobby? Well here are what we call the four Cs that we use to make sure our insurance is worth the paper it's printed on.

Cheap is cheap, it doesn't mean it's any good. No insurance provider would offer gold-plated insurance at bargain basement prices. So if it's cheap it's probably rubbish – we won't touch cheap insurance. That doesn't mean that you should go out and buy an insurance policy that comes in a 14-carat, diamond encrusted cover but you should make sure it is the best you can afford and provides reasonable cover. Try to avoid any policy that doesn't provide "no excess" cover as well. It's pretty pointless if your two-thousand pound camera gets stolen and you have to stump up the first thousand pounds before the insurer begrudgingly gives you the rest.

Comprehensive is best. Make sure the cover is comprehensive. In another words it covers you for most, if not all, eventualities that can go wrong on the trip from having your wallet stolen on the beach to covering medical costs if you should have an accident. Also check that in the event of a serious accident your policy covers transfer and repatriation costs otherwise you may find yourself facing a bill that would bankrupt a small country. Finally, make sure that if you are snorkelling, diving or bouncing about on a banana boat, that the insurance provides full cover or whether you have to pay an additional premium.

Check the small print. We know that insurance cover is boring and that policy documents sometimes seem to be written in a foreign language but we cannot stress the importance of checking the details. Insurers are in the business of selling you a policy that they hope you don't need and if you do need it, they have an army of legal eagles in the background whose job is to build in clauses to the policy to prevent payouts. For instance, if you are going scuba diving you might think that you have adequate insurance since the policy highlights diving as one of the activities covered. But a quick check of the detail might reveal that you are only covered to a certain depth (usually 30m), that you must hold a valid certificate of proficiency from a bona fide diving organisation for the dive being undertaken, that all the equipment you're using is adequate and in good order for the dive, or that you are under the direct supervision of qualified diving instructor. You might also find that no insurer will cover you if you dive within 24 hours of flying or vice versa. Some insurers will also refuse cover if you dive whilst suffering from a cold, flu or obstruction of the sinuses or ears. Some insurers will also not cover anyone under the age of 12 and all will void your cover if you dive whilst suffering from any medical condition that is likely to impair your fitness to dive. And that list of conditions is very long indeed. Most general insurance companies will also not cover you for diving below 50 metres, cave diving, night dives or diving solo.

Consider single activity insurance. Many people have annual multi-trip insurance or insurance that is provided by having a specific credit card or bank account. If this is the case, check that this insurance covers you for snorkelling or diving etc. If not, you might want to consider taking out activity specific insurance. This is insurance that covers only the specific activity such as snorkelling and is additional to the insurance you already have. A number of specialist insurers will provide pretty comprehensive cover for diving, snorkelling and freediving activities anywhere in the world. If you're a member of a snorkelling or diving club, check out your governing organisations advice on insurance as most, such as B.S.A.C, will be able to point you in the right direction.

There you go, we hope these four tips help. They certainly work for us but there is one last thing you should keep in mind when buying insurance. Swanky suited salespeople are just that, salespeople in swanky suits. They are there to sell you stuff and that stuff might not be what you want or in fact what you need. So buyer beware.