All We Want For Christmas Is For Nobody To Buy Us Any Of These….

Yes, it’s that time of the year when diving/snorkelling magazines, suppliers, retailers and a host of bloggers pepper the web with their lists of the top items any snorkeller, freediver or bubble blower would love to receive as a Christmas present.  As our two regular readers will know however, we like to be different, so instead of giving you a list of things we’d love to receive on Christmas morning here’s a list of the things that would leave us crying into our over-cooked turkey.

 

Pink for girls? Isn't that a bit sexist?

The Easybreath Snorkel Mask

Oh no, no and thrice no. Our most popular post to date concerns our review of this most pointless of products and our irritation with it has grown on a daily basis ever since. If you have the misfortune to receive one of these at Christmas we can only imagine that the giver really, really, really hates you. Of course if you have no interest in being able to breath properly, swim faster than a drowning hedgehog or being able to go deeper than a few millimetres without your face imploding, then the Easybreath Mask might just be your thing. You will of course still look a complete twat on the beach.

 

Want to impress people in the pub? Join PADI.

A PADI Freediver course

Just as some people buy their friends and family driving lessons, there are some people who like to buy others diving courses and now that PADI have launched their own freediving courses it is a real possibility that someone, somewhere. might think it’s a good idea to enrol you on a course. Yes, the organisation that brought you such speciality courses as “how to dive from a boat” and “getting into the water from a beach” will now teach you to hold your breath underwater. Honestly why not give us a paper cut and poor lemon juice into. Ok, we may be being a bit unfair to PADI, but since here in the UK, PADI is variously known as “McPadi”, “diving for dummies”, “pay another dollar instantly” and of course, “got a buck, get a badge” you can understand our reluctance to put our lives into the hands of a PADI Speciality-Commando-Adventurer-Shark-Whisperer-All-Round-Hero-Jedi-Master or whatever they are calling themselves these days. If we want to go on a course, we’ll book it ourselves thank-you-very-much.

Look at me, just look at me, I'm great!

A Selfie Stick

The very name of these things point to their fatuous nature; you’ve spent a small fortune for that once in a lifetime trip to Australia, Belize, Indonesia or whatever “your-trip-of-a-lifetime” destination is. The water is crystal clear, the reefs are teeming with marine life and the odd babe in a bikini and the only photos/video you have of the whole trip is your face. People who give selfie sticks for presents are only slightly less moronic than people who want selfie sticks for Christmas presents.

 

Get twenty pairs and you've got a set of curtains

A Pair Of Plastic Boardshorts

If Riz Smith ever manages to get his ocean plastic boardshorts to market (you can do it Riz, just use the force) and there is currently nothing to suggest he will, we don’t want a pair. Really, don’t any of you out there think about buying us a pair of these, just don’t even think about it, don’t….!

 

Eduardo couldn't afford a proper snorkel set.

A Snorkelboard

Ah… It’s a boogie board with a hole cut out of it? Honestly, a boogie board with a hole cut out of it! Why? There is nothing else we can say really other than Why?

The big outdoor kaftan

A Dry Robe

Get changed. Stay warm, is the marketing blurb for this piece of kit that Sports Diver Editor Mark Evans says should be in every diver’s or outdoors enthusiast’s kit bag. We’re not so sure. After all, get changed means just that – get changed. And staying warm means well… Staying warm. So why do we have to put on what looks like our dad’s dressing gown for either. Fair enough if you’re the type of person who ties a towel around yourself on the beach and then attempts to put your bikini on then this might be the gift your looking for, for everyone else out there who plans ahead by putting their swimwear on before they get to the beach/dive boat then this is a really just a big, baggy kaftan. A Kaftan people! Who wants to look like Demis Roussos after your dive adventure? Who?

 

Get changed, stay warm and sing a sooonnggg!

Diving Jewellery

Okay, we like the sea, we like marine life, we like snorkelling and freediving and occasionally we stick a regulator in our mouths and make Darth Vader noises as good as any bubble blower out there. But why oh why would anyone think that because of these interests we would want to wear a sterling silver divers helmet around our necks or a dolphin ring on our fingers. We know we act like twelve-year-olds at times, particularly after a beer, but we’re not - really we’re not. So put the jewellery down dummy and move away from the counter.

A WWF Adoption Pack

Okay not really a diving/snorkelling gift per se, but since we were foolish enough to head along to the World Wildlife Fund’s Ocean Day presentation and suffered the mind numbing drivel (along with numbed buttocks from the ridiculously hard seats) from the professional “saving the world” academics and others who seem to proliferate in the WWF, we thought we’d make the point that we don’t want anything to do with the WWF organisation. We don’t want to adopt a fluffy polar bear, a penguin or a tiger. We don’t want to fund “sustainable fisheries”,  “sustainable forests” or WWF sponsored eco-tourism. We don’t want a cuddly panda toy or to force native peoples from their lands (whilst apparently having a policy to protect them. see links below) and we don’t want our money being used to fund academics, sustainability managers, directors, yada-yada-yada. If we want to support someone who, in our opinion, actually protects animals we’ll give our money to Sea Shepherd, Shark Angels or a host of others out there who seem to actually do something other than handing out logos to big businesses, holding seminars, cosying up to questionable governments and funding the careers of professional academics. 

WWF and the natives - link 1, link 2, link 3 

So that’s it. If you want us or anyone else out there to have a good time at Christmas get us something-anything-else!

The Sport Diver Team Meet Brad And His Pressured Novices.

Mark Evans, if you didn’t know, is the editor of Sport Diver Magazine, the official PADI publication in the U.K and in December's issue he uses his Editor’s letter column to relate some disturbing incidents that he and his team witnessed whilst on a trip to Malta and Gozo. Here are the relevant (verbatim) bits from Mark’s missive.

Our trip was sadly marred by bad weather, namely strong winds which rendered many sites off limits, yet I was shocked that some independent groups of divers were still attempting to get in, or had got in, at sites that experienced centres had deemed unfit. At one location, I saw three well-known centres rock up in their vans; the instructors surveyed the conditions, and then called the dive, heading off to find more-suitable surroundings for their divers. Yet there were a group of obviously fairly inexperienced divers who were being badgered and cajoled by their group leader that “it was fine” and “this is what we are trained for”, Christ, these were pleasure divers, it wasn’t a Special Forces drill!

At another site, I saw a couple who were clearly novices, and they had a bit of a battle getting out of the water due to the swell washing up and down the ironshore. Their instructor was stood up above them on the shoreline helpfully telling them to hurry up but not offering them any assistance!

So please, whether you are diving in Malta and Gozo, right here in the U.K., or anywhere else for that matter, make your own mind up about the conditions and whether you want to dive. Do not feel pressured to get into the water – any instructor or dive leader worth their salt would not make you do anything you didn’t want to do. And remember if you do go in despite your reservations and it all goes horribly pear-shaped, the odds are that the person who ends up in serious trouble will be you, not your instructor. 

 

Hello, we're your dive leaders for today's pleasure trip - lock and load wimps!

Oh Mark, you’ve made us so happy we want to have your children! Finally someone associated with PADI has spotted what we, and many likes us, have been banging on about for what seems an eternity. Namely, that the world of diving is stuffed to the rafters with Brads; those moronic, badge wearing, hyper-egos who equate being a dive team leader/instructor with being a member of an elite commando unit and consequently tend to get people injured or killed due to their habit of being controlled by their testicles and not their brains.  And Mark, we are also delighted that you have brought to a wider audience our own little piece of advice that we have regularly exhorted on these pages, which is: your safety is, at the end of the day, your own responsibility. There are just a couple of things we like to raise however. We are not sure what you mean by “independent groups” but by the way you highlighted this we assume that they were not PADI registered which, again we assume, means that you are trying to distance the PADI organisation from such events. This would be unwise Mark and a little naive. Just take a peek around the web for diving deaths/incidents and you’ll find that, from Australia to Belize, an awful lot of divers who’ve lost their lives were in fact under the care of PADI registered centres/operations. Brad is everywhere Mark, everywhere!

Then there is something that we found rather disappointing, both your advice and our own requires the “novices” to do something that is often quite difficult, which is to challenge the diver leader/instructor. A lot of people Mark, don’t like confrontation and those who are very inexperienced have no reference point, they are being told to do something by someone who is covered in badges and is “supposed” to be experienced and subsequently “knows what they are doing”. Now we, and you Mark, know that isn’t always true but here’s a thing. You Mark are the editor of Sport Diver, you were with the Sport Diver team and yet you didn’t seem able to challenge those independent instructors either! Could you not have intervened Mark? Could you not have wandered over with your cohorts, flashed your own badges and told those novices that they didn’t have to do anything they didn’t want to? Because Mark, it is a very bad thing for those who are supposed to be the experts to lead those without experience into dangerous situations but it is just as bad, if not worse, for those who are experienced, those who realise that it is just a pleasure dive and not a Special Forces Drill as you say, to just stand there on the sidelines like a bunch of gormless rubberneckers at the scene of a car crash. We would have challenged Mark, we would have said something; in fact we would have ridiculed the instructor mercilessly and deflated their ego very quickly. We hope the next time you see something similar that you and all the other experienced divers out there will do the same. Because in truth Mark, the safety of novice divers is not just the instructors’ responsibility it’s everyone’s responsibility. So next time, don’t just stand there thinking this will make a good few column inches Mark - do something!

Badges! We don’t Need No Stinking Badges. PADI Launches Freediving Courses

Do you want to be a freediver? Perhaps the thought of descending to depths of 100 metres or more on a single breath gets you all excited. Perhaps you’re a mainstream diver who’s tired of strapping on all that equipment every time you go in the water, tired of scaring away all that marine life with your bubbles and Darth Vader breathing noises. Or perhaps, the thought of having to spend another small fortune to buy another piece of unnecessary “technical” kit just to keep up with the diving Jones’ has finally got to you. Maybe you’re a new age, mystical sort of person who adopts the lotus position whenever you can and believes freediving could help you get closer to nature, to balance your life, to free your mind whilst you free your body of oxygen. Altogether now.. Ohmmm. Perhaps you’re the sort who’s looking for a new challenge and the thought of pushing your body to very edge of it’s physiological capabilities in search of competitive glory is the very thing, or perhaps you just fancy Tanya Streeter and want to see her in that bikini close up. Or maybe, just maybe, you’re the sort of person who just thinks that being able to descend to twenty-metres for a few minutes at a time unencumbered by tanks, regulators, and people called Brad would be a bit of fun when you go on holiday. Now, whichever category you fall into, you’re probably thinking to yourself that you should get some training before you take the plunge so to speak. Freediving, after all, is rather dangerous and at its competitive zenith it can be positively fatal but where do you get that training?

What a reason to Freedive!

Luckily there are a multitude of training organisations out there ready to teach you to stop breathing in exchange for cash and in this very month, PADI is launching its own freediving courses. The course tiers will be PADI freediver, PADI advanced freediver and PADI master freediver. There will also be several grades of instructor, freediver instructor, advanced freediver instructor, master freediver instructor and finally freediver instructor trainer. A basic freediver course will also be included which, according to PADI, will prepare swimmers for freediving in “confined water”.

When we first heard that PADI was going to launch it’s own freediving courses our little group immediately thought of the Mel Brooks film Blazing Saddles and one scene in particular where the Mexican bandits refuse to be deputised by the films villain. Offered the deputy sheriffs badge, the moustachioed brigands reply with heavy accents: “Badgeez! We don’t neeeed no steenkin' badgeez! PADI likes badges and judging by the bewildering array of tiers they’ve developed they’re going to have a lot of badges to sell wannabe freedivers. This is probably being a bit unfair on PADI, as we say there are a whole host of companies, associations and operators out there offering freediving training and all of them have structured tiers of training with equally ludicrous titles and there is currently nothing to suggest that PADI’s courses will be any better or any worse than those already available.

With so many training organisations out there then, which one should you chose? Well before you hand over your hard earned cash in exchange for a few days training and a badge that can be eventually sewn onto your bodybag we’d like to offer you some humble advice.  Before you do anything you need to speak to an independent expert – your doctor. Tell him or her that you want to learn to freedive and this means holding your breath for long periods. If your doctor suggests you should probably stop smoking first or that your morbid obesity, diabetes, incompetent heart valve, that pacemaker you’ve just had fitted or the fact you cannot swim makes you singularly unsuitable for freediving we think you should probably stick to a little light gardening. If however your doctor can find no medical reason why you shouldn’t go freediving we suggest you go and have a look at the freediving clubs in your area. Clubs are a great way to meet like-minded people and get a feel of the experience and quality of the available training. The club may well have their own instructors or be able to direct you to instructors they’ve used before. Speak to the instructor face-to-face, find out how they trained, what their experience is. This will give you a sense for the depth and quality of the training they offer. There are many experienced divers out there, but just because they are experienced doesn’t mean they can teach. We’ve met a lot of divers with instructor badges sewn onto their baseball caps and some of them are, to be blunt, damn idiots. So finding an instructor that can teach and that you trust is imperative. You are, after all, putting your life in their hands.

Make sure that the company/club that is training you is freediving based. What we mean by this is that the company or club was established and run by freedivers. A good example of this is Freediving Instructors International or Performance Freediving, which were established by Martin Stepanek and Kirk Krack respectively. Check that the courses on offer have an AIDA equivalent. AIDA is the international freediving umbrella organisation for competitive freediving. We also suggest that you speak to or join your countries national freediving association who will be able to offer advice and guidance on training, clubs, competitions etc. Finally remember that a couple of days training does not mean you are an expert. Freediving is a competitive sport, SCUBA diving is a recreational sport and there is a big difference in the type of training and type of people you will come across. That doesn’t mean that you cannot be a recreational freediver but it does mean that you have to really understand your own limits. Don’t be pressed or bullied into pushing those limits by others who are overly competitive or talk nonsense about “mystical experiences” and in freediving you will meet these people. Freediving is, by its nature, inherently dangerous so start by enjoying yourself and build slowly, very slowly, or you will kill yourself. Finally, remember that the training you undertake should be about knowledge gathering. It should equip the mind and body to deal with the demands of the sport, it’s not and never should be about collecting badges. As those Mexicans in the film said: Badges! We don’t need no stinking badges – even if they’ve got the word “master” on them. 

Diving Safety

Ocean Clean Up - Divers Do While Surfer Dudes Don't

The people at Fourth Element have recently launched their Ocean Positive swimwear range. So what you might ask? Well the thing about this particular range is that it is made from recycled fishing nets. These “ghost nets” are abandoned by fisherman after snagging on reefs and wrecks and pose a significant threat to marine life. In short they continue to fish even though abandoned, trapping a staggering variety of marine life and resulting in the loss of thousands upon thousand of creatures each year. They also destroy coral as currents drag them across reefs, literally scrubbing the reef clean. Now however, working with divers around the world, Fourth Element are collecting up these nets and putting them to good use by turning them into snazzy swimwear. The whole range is a bit limited at the moment (the men’s swimwear also looks a little snug for those of us who are more generously sized in the waistline department) but they are surprisingly low priced and the company will soon be releasing rash vests made in the same way. The whole process of turning nets into bikinis is demonstrated below.

Reading about all this recycling, our minds turned to Riz Smith. Do you remember Riz Smith? We do. Riz Smith makes boardshorts and sometime ago he had an aspiration that by 2016 he would be making boardshorts out of ocean plastic. When we first heard about Riz’s desire to create surfers apparel from the plastic garbage that pollutes our oceans we were rather dismissive, in fact we said that Riz’s idea was nothing more than fashion world tokenism that generates sales by playing on middle class guilt. You can read that post here and our follow up post here. Now spurred on by Fourth Element's successful recycling of “ghost nets” we thought it would only be fair if we had a look to see how Riz and his “bottles to boardshorts Journey” was getting on. Back in June someone at Riz’s company called Lou released an update on their website. Yes we know it’s October and the statement was released in June, but to be honest we really haven’t been paying much attention. Anyway before we get started let’s just remind you of those original problems we had with Riz’s plan when we first heard of it. We had concerns over the whole feasibility of making boardshorts out of ocean plastic. How would Riz collect the ocean plastic, who would do the collecting, would they be paid and would that collection have an impact on the mass of plastic floating in the ocean gyres? So let’s see if any of those concerns have been addressed. Here’s the statement:

While it's hard to know exact figures, it is reported up to 8m tonnes of plastics enter the oceans each year. In the UK, we use 15 million plastic bottles per day of which only 50% are recycled. We launched our bottles to boardshorts campaign because we want to encourage customers to recycle but also to show that plastic bottles littering our beaches and oceans can be put to good use. We’ve always talked about the Bottles to Boardshorts project as fitting together pieces of a jigsaw –getting the bottles on beaches to a recycling plant and then linking up the plant with a fabric manufacturer who can then send that fabric to our factory. 

Through our partnership with the Marine Conservation Society, we now know that about 10% of the litter found through beach cleans are plastic bottles.  We need close to 5,000 bottles to make 250 pairs of shorts so we are going to need to collect bottles at more than one beach clean! That’s why we’ve been in discussion with a number of beach cleaning charities and organisations who(sic) work with fishermen to find ways of sorting out plastic bottles and then amalgamating them to send to our recycling plant. Logistics are going to be challenging, as we don’t want to use loads of fuel transporting the bottles from beach to plant. And we’re going to need somewhere to store all those bottles in the short term! 

The reassuring thing we’ve learnt is that it doesn’t seem to matter how dirty or water logged the bottles found on the beaches are – they can still be recycled.  But we do now know we can only use clear Polyethylene terephthalate (PET) bottles to make our shorts which further increases the need to work with a number of beach cleaning organisations to source these.

It’s also been great to start to talk to recycling partners in the UK who can take our beach bottles and transform them into PET pellets or flakes. The bit of the jigsaw we now need to fit together is working out whether the company that currently make our fabric from recycled bottles can use PET flakes made from beach bottles instead. If so, we also need to test whether it can be made from 100% beach bottles or, for quality and durability’s sake, it needs to be made from a combination of beach bottles and standard recycled bottles (i.e the ones you put in your bag at home). 

So, as you can see there are still a lot of questions for us to work on but we feel we are making great progress and learning loads on the way. 

A lot of questions Lou? A lot of questions? Are you serious? Are you telling us that you have only just found out that most of the litter on the beaches is not actually clear PET plastic bottles? Are you also telling us that you still haven’t figured out how to effectively collect, transport and store the plastic bottles. And, and this is really fundamental Lou, are you telling us that you still haven’t figured out whether you can make the fabric from ocean plastic in the first place? There’s another thing Lou, something that has got us confused. Your statement seems to suggest that you are already making fabric from standard recycled bottles, (i.e the ones you put in your bag at home), but as of yet not from ocean plastic. Which begs another question Lou, are you really just planning to make the fabric from standard recycled bottles and using the ocean plastic thing as nothing more than a marketing plan? Are you Lou…? Then there’s another problem. In our original post on the subject we pointed out that beach clean-ups are a good idea but most of the plastic polluting the oceans are not on beaches they’re in the ocean gyres – the ocean gyres Lou! Those great big whirlpools out in the middle of the oceans, and even if the plastic does wash up on the beach Lou we think you’re being a bit optimistic if you think it’s going to be on the single beach you’re planning to clean up.

Now we know that there are people out there in the big wide world who aren’t as cynical as us and will say that although Riz’s journey has, so far, been a little disappointing but at least he is trying to do something. To those people we would say, you probably aren’t one of the many people who gave Riz over £16,000 via crowdfunding in order to get the journey off and running in the first place. If you are one of those crowdfunders we would say, what are you doing? Why are you donating money to an established commercial company in order for that company to research the commercial viability of bringing a product to market? Still you probably got a t-shirt for the effort. Okay, maybe we are being a bit hard here. Maybe Riz and Lou just need more time. After all if they can make ocean plastic into boardshorts, even very expensive ones, that would be a good idea right? And maybe this isn’t just fashion world tokenism or a cynical marketing ploy. Maybe Riz needs to stop telling us about his aspiration and actually get busy turning that aspiration into reality. In which case we have a suggestion for Riz and Lou. Go and have a chat with the chaps at Fourth Element because they seem to have got this “waste material to commercial product” idea well and truly nailed. If you do that Riz, if you have a chat Lou, we think you might find out that it is better to make the product first and then market it. Rather than market it, and then try to work out if you can actually make it. In short Riz it’s the difference between simply aspiring and actually doing!

In Search Of Those Elusive Trumpetfish

“Very rare.” Hardly ever seen.” These are the general responses we got when we asked the La Palma locals about the Atlantic Trumpetfish.  Responses that were almost universally accompanied by shakes of the head, shoulder shrugs and more statements like: “if you get real lucky you might see one in the early morning” or “They can change colour you know, blend in, and in these waters you could swim right by one and never know.”

Now, we know that the Atlantic Trumpetfish do exist. We’ve seen images of them on television, we’ve seen photographs of them on the Web and we had heard that La Palma and the Canary Islands in general, were a good place to see these odd fish. Now however, we were beginning to think that the Atlantic Trumpetfish was something out of an episode of the X-files. A strange mythological creature that an overexcited Mulder believes exists, yet simply can’t find the evidence to prove it to a pouting, doubtful, Scully. Undaunted by the locals insistence that we were more likely to spot a U.F.O than a Trumpetfish, we began to formulate a plan to catch the camera shy critters on film.

Ok Mulder, it's a naked girl doing weird things with a trumpet! But how does that prove anything?

The Atlantic Trumpetfish is a cylindrical shaped fish that can grow up to a metre long. Closely related to pipefish and seahorses, it uses its long snout like a vacuum cleaner, easily sucking in its prey of small fish and invertebrates. Some Trumpetfish in South Africa and the Caribbean have been observed using shadow-stalking behaviour to hunt, using their narrow profile to hide behind larger browsing feeders like Parrotfish and Surgeonfish, surprising unsuspecting prey who drift too close to the benign browser. The Trumpetfish’s notorious shyness and ability to blend in with their environment would, of course, present a significant problem to our goal as would the locals honest assessment of the Islands waters. Sitting in the Atlantic, and battered by the strong trade wins the coastal waters of La Palma are often dark, rough and murky. So in grey, wind-lashed seas famous for strong currents, we would be trying to spot a thin, agile fish that can blend effortlessly into the background and has a reputation for being shyer than mating pandas. A bit of a tall order you’ll agree. We decided that the best chances of seeing these fish would be to enter the water in the very early hours of the morning or late in the evening when the waters were bereft of splashing swimmers and small fishing boats with their chuttering motors.

 

Chinese Trumpetfish

Our sad effort to capture an Atlantic Trumpetfish - the buggers are fast

Did we succeed in our quest? You bet we did. The rough waters hampered filming considerably, as did the poor visibility. This was further compounded by the Trumpetfish’s irritating habit of disappearing between the rocks. Still we’re pretty pleased with the result, particularly as we came across three Trumpetfish gathered together near the breakwaters of Los Cancajos beach – though only for a few seconds. Check out the film below for the results of our labours. Trumpetfish do exist Scully, they do, we filmed them!

La Palma Island. A Dangerous Snorkelling Club Quick Guide

Roque De Los Muchachos Observatory

La Palma Island is situated in the North West of the Canarian Archipelago.  La Palma and its neighbours, La Gomera and El Hierro, are referred to as the lesser known canaries due to the fact that they have managed to avoid the excesses of mass tourism that affected Tenerife, Gran Canaria and Lanzarote. One reason for this is that all three of these islands lack the fine glistening beaches of the more popular islands and the small number of actual tourists that visit each year, along with most of the locals, live in hope that such mainstream tourism never does reach the island’s volcanic shores.

Lacking mass tourist infrastructure, La Palma tends to attract the more adventurous visitor. In the summer months the island teems with walkers, hikers, snorkellers, freedivers and those of the scuba diving fraternity. During the off-season the island still attracts hikers and nature lovers but also large numbers of the more mature tourist head here looking for a little peace and quiet away from the noisy nightclubs, bar crawlers and the teenage sex and drugs crowd that plague the islands to the East. There are several tourist areas on the island but the main ones are around the area of Los Cancajos and the Capital, Santa Cruz Del La Palma. In all the main areas you’ll find a spattering of bars and restaurants and low-rise hotels. There are also two diving centres in Los Cancajos from where you can rent equipment and arrange boat trips to the major offshore diving areas.

In natural beauty terms, La Palma puts all the other islands of the Archipelago to shame. Rugged coastal regions with crashing waves, beaches of fine black volcanic sand, verdant forests, gushing waterfalls, mountain ranges and a lush subtropical climate, La Palma offers something for anyone with a little adventure in their spirit.

Los Cancajos beach

La Palma is also famous for two rather differing controversies. The first is all down to a certain raunchy pop singer, whilst the second concerns an all too familiar scientific warning of impending global disaster. Back in the 1980’s Madonna released her True Blue album, the sixth song of which was called La Isla Bonita. According to some, many of who seem to work at the La Palma tourist board, the song La Isla Bonita (the beautiful island in Spanish) refers to La Palma. Madonna is supposed to have stayed on the island at some time in the past – though this has never been confirmed. Others however are adamant that the song refers to the Island of San Pedro in Belize. Madonna is supposed to have dedicated the song to San Pedro for some reason that is never really explained. Interestingly Madonna has stated in Rolling Stone Magazine, that the San Pedro mentioned in the song is a fictional island and does not refer to either island and may in fact be a sign for the off ramp. This admission doesn’t seem to have had much effect though as both the locals of La Palma and the denizens of San Pedro still claim that the song refers to their respective island homes. The second controversy has all the makings of an episode of The Big Bang Theory where academic egos engage in a battle of hypotheses. The story goes that back in the 1990’s one group of scientific egos claimed that at some point in the future a large chunk of La Palma would collapse into the ocean creating a mega tsunami. A wall of water hundreds of metres tall would then spread out from the island, wreaking havoc on the African coast, devastating the eastern seaboard of the U.S. and washing all the dog crap off the streets of Paris. Yes, yes, we know. Nothing can be that strong that it can rid the streets of the French capital of all the accumulated dog mess, the aroma of which mixes with the stench of the River Seine to create that oh so romantic French atmosphere, and it wasn’t long before another bunch of scientific egos proved it as well. The second bunch of egos pointing out that the first bunch of egos were being egotistical and unscientific unlike them who were being humble and scientific – Leonard and Sheldon, eat your heart out.

Watching me watching you

The island is littered with little coves and beaches; some very difficult to get to, where the more adventurous snorkellers among you can sate your appetite for the underwater world. However the four best areas, in our opinion, are in Los Cancajos, Charco Verde and the beaches of Playa Del Hoyo and Playa La Martina. Given that La Palma is situated in the Atlantic all of the beaches are at times subject to strong waves, winds and currents that make conditions unsuitable for even the most experienced snorkeller. That said, of all the four sites we recommend, Los Cancajos is by far the safest.

Sandwiched between the airport and the capital, Santa Cruz Del La Palma, the beach of Los Cancajos is in fact a series of little interconnected beaches and coves rather than a single beach. Protected by an artificial breakwater, Los Cancajos boasts an array of underwater tunnels, reefs and rock walls that will delight freedivers as well as shallow pools and rock formations closer to the beach that attract enough marine life to interest the less experienced snorkellers. The more daring among you might prefer to try out the delights of Charco Verde. Located a short drive from Puerto Naos on the western side of the island, Charco Verde is a wide cove of fine volcanic sand with rocky headlands on either side. The water can be considerably rougher than at Los Cancajos and visibility is often compromised at the best of times. The beach is also subject to rip currents that make entering and exiting the water here particularly problematic. That said, Charco Verde has a great deal to offer including canyons, strange volcanic formations and large shoals of fish loitering beneath overhangs and in between the volcanic fissures. If you like your water even rougher and the feel of pebble rather than sand beneath your feet, then the beaches of Playa Del Hoyo and Playa La Martina might be for you. Both sites are located on the eastern side of the island and are a short drive south of the airport. The beaches are reached by a narrow dirt track that can play havoc with the underside of your rental car and it might be worth parking up on the main road and taking a stroll down to the beach. A word of warning here too, both of these beaches offer rough water snorkelling at its very best and are not for the feint-hearted, if you are inexperienced or unfit you will undoubtedly get into difficulty here and should stick to less demanding sites such as Los Cancajos or the man made (though rather boring) rock pools at Los Sauces in the north. For those of you who have the experience and physical fitness however, Playa Del Hoyo and Playa La Martina with their tunnels, caves, gulleys and rocky fissures will not disappoint. All four sites teem with fish. Charco Verde and Los Cancajos in particular are home to shoals of sardines, bream, trumpet fish, damselfish, parrotfish and a good many more. One final note; the water temperature in La Palma never gets above around 24 degrees even at the height of summer and can fall below 15 degrees in the winter months so a wetsuit is highly recommended.

One of the breakwaters at Los Cancajos

When not snorkelling, La Palma still has a lot to offer. A visit to the astrophysics observatory at Roque De Los Muchachos is not to be missed. The phenomenal clarity of the air in La Palma means that astronomers, physicists and other scientific folk flock to La Palma to make use of the plethora of telescopes that dot the mountain ridges. At certain times you can even take a guided tour of the installations. Once you’ve finished peering into the sky you can take a lung-challenging hike around the caldera of Taburiente or get lost in the national park with its waterfalls, forests and winding tracks. If you’re not exhausted by all that, you can take a trip to the volcano centre at San Antonio, learn about all things grapey at the Las Manchos wine museum or visit the salt flats at Fuencaliente and then there are lighthouses to see, shops to peruse in Santa Cruz, or you could book a day trip to one of the other islands in the Archipelago.

Observatory above the clouds

Once you have had your fill of sea, nature and culture it’s time to get your fill of food and beer. Here though things get a bit tricky. Although there are a great many restaurants and cafes to choose from, the majority are not exactly culinary Meccas. The best two restaurants we found were El Lagar and Thai Las Olas, both in the Los Cancajos area. El Lagar is located in a shopping arcade but don’t let that put you off. El Lagar is typically Canarian in décor and ambience, the service is attentive but discreet and although the menu is small this should be seen as a good thing. Restaurants that try to be all things to all men with menus the size of encyclopaedias tend to be jack-of-all-trades and masters of none which means your dinner is probably going to be rubbish. El Lagar keeps things simple but that simplicity is very well done indeed. Try the tapas plate for a varied taste of the islands culinary offerings, after that we recommend the pork tenderloin or one of the fresh fish dishes that are on offer.

Err,, That'll be cactus then!

For a change to the Spanish offerings head off to the Hotel Las Olas and its Thai restaurant. Having a Japanese member in the club and living in London (the capital city of the world with every national cuisine you can think of readily available) we consider ourselves to be experts in Asian cooking and normally the thought of visiting a Thai, Indian or Chinese restaurant in a tourist area of a small island would fill us with dread. Thai Las Olas however, was a pleasant surprise. There were exceptions though, the Chicken Pad Thai has tomato ketchup as sauce and the Thai curry was nowhere near spicy enough for our tastes. The beef salad though was as good as any we have tasted and the weeping tiger steak was spicy enough to do as its name suggests and bring a tear to the eye. The noodle dishes are particularly good and the spring rolls (something most Thai restaurants fall down on) were second to none. Once stuffed to bursting we went to look for a bar and here, like most Greek and Spanish islands, we were left very disappointed. There are places to sate the thirst but most are attached to restaurants and all seem to have no idea how to store, pour or serve beer. Still the beer was cold if not much else and we can handle this small disappointment as La Palma hits the mark on so many other things.

You can fly direct to La Palma all year round from Madrid and in the summer season flights are available from London, Berlin and other European cities. In the winter months there are flight connections via Tenerife. There are also ferry connections from Tenerife and Gran Canaria. A word of warning though, if you are flying British Airways or Iberia Express or combinations of the two, take note that both airlines are notorious for being late and for mislaying your luggage on route. Read about our own experience here.

Cold Water, Strong Currents And Swarms Of Mauve Stingers – Perfect!

The Scilly Isles are situated some twenty-eight miles southwest of Cornwall. The tiny archipelago is made up of five inhabited islands and numerous other uninhabited islands and rocky islets – around 140 in total. The large numbers of ships that have been wrecked on the islands rocky shores make the Scilly Isles a wreck divers dream but the islands have a lot to offer the more daring snorkeller as well. One particular event caught our eye some time ago and made heading for the islands a must. In January this year the local Wildlife Trust reported a large influx of jellyfish around the Islands, particularly the Pelagia Noctiluca or Mauve Stinger. Growing up to 10cm across the bell, these jellies (as their name suggests) carry a painful, but fortunately not fatal, sting. Although it is not unusual for deep water jellyfish to occasionally find their way into the local waters, the appearance of so many at one time is rare and is believed to have been caused by winter storms pushing the organisms that the jellyfish feed on towards the islands. The jellyfish have followed this food source and ended up in the shallow waters around Scilly. 

Mauve Stingers

Given the fact that the influx was reported in January and we weren’t able to travel until September you might think that the opportunity had passed, however we kept a close eye on events and the monthly reports continued unabated and when we arrived on St Mary’s Island, the waters were still brimming with the gelatinous beggars. After a quick perusal of the island's coastline, looking for the best and easiest location to get in and out of the water, we headed for Pelistry Bay on the more remote eastern shore of St Mary’s. Pelistry Bay is accessible by footpath from the main road. A sign at the entrance to the beach warns of strong currents and being September, the water was cold – very cold. The beach is pure white sand and for the snorkeller, sand means poor visibility particularly in the winter months with the large Atlantic swell and strong wave action. Still we suited up, primed the cameras and headed into the seas chilling embrace. Visibility was compromised but we were not disappointed, the sea was virtually awash with Mauve Stingers along with Compass Jellyfish, Moon Jellies and Comb Jellyfish (Sea Gooseberry).

 

Comb Jelly (Sea Gooseberry)

Crystal Jellyfish

Compass Jellyfish

Forty-five minutes later we emerged cold and shivering but happy. To see so many different types of Jellyfish in one single location is something we never expected. A quick dry off and several shots of warming tea from the thermos we headed off to the Carn Vean Cafe, (situated on a hill by the bay) for a welcome serving of Cornwall’s famous steak pasties. Simply perfect....

The fate of many a Jelly

Support Sea Shepherd’s Cove Guardians: Operation Henkaku

Sea Shepherd Cove Guardian volunteers are now on the ground in Taiji, Japan for Operation Henkaku (Operation Metamorphosis). The 2015-2016 season marks the sixth consecutive year of Sea Shepherd’s Dolphin Defense campaign and their promise to the dolphins remains the same – they will not stop until the slaughter ends!

Sea Shepherd’s Cove Guardians will continue to document and live stream from Taiji, ensuring that no dolphin or pilot whale is captured or slaughtered unseen by the eyes of the world. This year’s campaign will also have an increased focus on raising crucial awareness of the inextricable link between the slaughter in Taiji and the global captive industry. It is the international demand for live cetaceans for captivity that is the economic fuel driving the hunting boats each day in search of pods to be taken forever from the sea. Just one trained captive dolphin can be sold by the Taiji hunters for $250,000 USD. The most effective way that you can help bring the slaughter to an end is to never patronise aquariums, marine parks or swim-with-dolphin operations that hold whales or dolphins captive.

Japan has already attempted to hide the brutal actions of a handful of individuals that turn Taiji’s waters red with blood, shaming the entire nation of Japan. In recent days, Cove Guardian Ground Leader, Karen Hagen of Norway and Linda Trapp of the USA were detained, interrogated and denied entry to Japan and deported from the country, just as other returning Sea Shepherd volunteers have been denied before. These obstacles will not stop Sea Shepherd in their mission for the dolphins and more Cove Guardians will arrive in Taiji.
Japan may be able to stop one volunteer but it cannot stop a movement based on compassion.

Join us! Sea Shepherd is the only group on the ground daily throughout the entire six-month hunt season, so it’s important that we have volunteers stationed at the cove from September 1 until March. If you are interested in joining us as a Cove Guardian in Taiji, please email groundcrew@seashepherd.org to express your interest. The dolphins need YOU!

For more information on Operation Henkaku and how you can lend your support, please click here

 

It’s Not Snorkelling. It’s Not Bodyboarding. It’s The SnorkelBoard – The Sporty Toy That Ruins Two Activities In One Go!

There is a vast array of snorkelling equipment available on the market to buy. This is mainly due to the fact that there are a veritable horde of global manufacturers happily designing, re-designing, innovating, improving, and generally coming up with new products at such a frenetic rate that your bank balance shrinks just thinking about it. Such is the depth and variety of all this manufacturing that Santa Claus and several billion of his little helpers would have a hard time coming up with anything new in the world of snorkelling or diving equipment. And yet, it seems that there are a number of entrepreneurs out there who still think that snorkelling equipment needs a radical overhaul. In particular, these entrepreneurs appear to believe that if you could only get away from the problem of putting your head in the water or having to breath through a snorkel, the whole act of snorkelling would be made much, much easier and in turn would be more enjoyable. The people behind the Easybreath Full-Face Mask for example, believe that their invention has opened the up the underwater world for all those unfortunate individuals who find it impossible to breath through their mouth. They also believe that they’ve eliminated the problem of mask fogging. We on the other hand believe they haven’t done anything of the kind and you can read why we think that here. 

The Easybreath Full-Face Mask now has an unexpected competitor in the I-don’t-want-to-get-my-face-wet snorkelling experience, one which gets rid of the palaver of wearing a snorkel and mask altogether. In other words snorkelling without snorkelling! The snorkelboard (as it’s called) is the brainchild of Murray W. Scott (great American name) who in 1998 had what he calls a “eureka” moment. While clearing his snorkel mask in Bermuda at Tobacco Bay Beach, he noticed that when the mask was no longer on his head and placed on the surface of the water, he had a crystal clear view of the fish and coral beneath him. He thought that if the mask could be placed into a bodyboard, he would no longer have to worry about his snorkelling experience being consistently interrupted by a leaky or fogged up mask. This then, was the birth of the Snorkelboard. Now there are probably some of you who would say that putting a hole in a bodyboard is a bit of an extreme response to a bad fitting mask. Some would even go as far to say that it would probably have been much cheaper and much less effort to simply pop down to the nearest diving shop and found a mask that actually fitted. Murray W.Scott would no doubt disagree with such suggestions, and might point out that he was never going to get rich by telling people to buy better fitting masks. 

So what is a snorkelboard? Well it’s an EPS core board encapsulated in EVA. Which as everyone knows, means that it is made from polystyrene foam encapsulated in an ethylene-vinyl acetate case with, and this is the clever bit, a hole cut in it. Into this hole, Murray has inserted a pair of anti-fog goggles. The company advertises the board like this: Introducing The Snorkelboard®, your personal body board fully equipped with embedded anti-fog goggles! With excellent flotation, stability, and ease of paddling, the Snorkelboard® enjoys a smooth entry line for maximum glide style. No longer will you have to worry about your mask filling up with water, blocking your view with fog or pressing up against the bridge of your nose. Gone are the days of re-breathing spent air left in your snorkel tube or interrupting your experience to equalize(sic) because, with the Snorkelboard® your head never touches the water! This all-in-one thin, sleek design allows for easy storage and leaves carrying heavy equipment in the dust! Available in a wide range of designs and colours, your “at-the-beach-riding-waves-look-at-me” Snorkelboard® experience can be as personalized(sic) as you want. Yes, we know, it does sound like something you’d read in the pages of the Hitchhikers Guide to The Galaxy but that’s advertising for you. The company has also released an advertising video, which you can see below. 

 

Now let’s be honest, despite a number of bemused looking adults using the board in the video, the snorkelboard is almost certainly aimed at kids. In a press release for the 112^th Annual American International Toy Fair, Murray W. Scott said, "We're thrilled to be able to celebrate the close of another successful year.  Looking ahead, we anticipate an exciting 2015 beginning with the Toy Fair.  My team and I look forward to a great show this year. So the snorkelboard is a toy, designed to give children a better experience at the beach and in this respect it appears to have had some success. "I can’t believe my young daughter had the confidence to go in the water at all! The Snorkelboard gave her the stability she needed to try snorkeling(sic) in deep water for the first time. It can now be a total family experience!" was one of the comments used on the company website. The Snorkelboard retails at around $40, which is a reasonable price, and you can customise the colour. There are a few issues however. Firstly, this is a board that glides over the water, and as everyone knows water will lap on and over such boards, which is demonstrated in the video. This means that you will get water in your face – and even with the smallest waves, that will mean a lot of water. This combined with the limited view the anti-fog goggles offer, means that the “snorkelling” experience will be highly compromised in all but the clearest of waters. Secondly, the Snorkelboard does not seem to offer anything remotely innovative for the young snorkeller, rather it takes two separate activities, bodyboarding and snorkelling, and ruins them both. If you want to teach your child to swim (learn flutter kicking) then the Snorkelboard offers a tiny bit more interest for the child, but as a serious piece of snorkelling equipment it is rather lame. If you’re an adult, you are going to look very stupid on one these! There is a third problem as well and that is that Murray W. Scott has created a product that is already eclipsed by the big boy in the market place. The Zayak Sea Sled is vastly more expensive than a Snorkelboard, it’s a lot heavier as well and will give the cabin crew a coronary if you try to shove the thing in the overhead locker but these are not problems, as just like wetbikes and jet skies you can rent Sea Sleds. In the type of crystal clear water that you’ll need to have fun with the Snorkelboard it is highly likely that Sea Sleds will already be there on the beach waiting for you. And that brings up a problem for you parents. Because your child is going to quickly lose interest in their brightly coloured foam bodyboard with the hole in it, when they catch sight of the brightly coloured, super-duper-look-at-me-riding-waves-in-the-Zayak-experience. 

So what’s the conclusion? Well, if you want your child to have a rather tame snorkelling experience, we recommend you rent a Sea Sled rather than buy a Snorkelboard. If you want them to have a slightly better experience, then buy them a Tribord Easybreath Mask, since that’s as much a toy as the Snorkelboard. If however, you want your child to have a good snorkelling experience and perhaps get them interested in skin diving or SCUBA, then we recommend that you take your time and teach them to swim, build up their confidence in the water and then buy them a mask that fits, a snorkel with a purge valve and some fins. Alternatively, if you think your child would prefer to gaze at fish from behind a pane of glass without getting their face wet, take them to an Aquarium. At least you won’t have to worry about them getting sunburn. Oh one last thing for all those entrepreneurs out there, if it doesn’t require a mask, a snorkel and putting your head in the water, it’s not snorkelling!