It’s Not Snorkelling. It’s Not Bodyboarding. It’s The SnorkelBoard – The Sporty Toy That Ruins Two Activities In One Go!

There is a vast array of snorkelling equipment available on the market to buy. This is mainly due to the fact that there are a veritable horde of global manufacturers happily designing, re-designing, innovating, improving, and generally coming up with new products at such a frenetic rate that your bank balance shrinks just thinking about it. Such is the depth and variety of all this manufacturing that Santa Claus and several billion of his little helpers would have a hard time coming up with anything new in the world of snorkelling or diving equipment. And yet, it seems that there are a number of entrepreneurs out there who still think that snorkelling equipment needs a radical overhaul. In particular, these entrepreneurs appear to believe that if you could only get away from the problem of putting your head in the water or having to breath through a snorkel, the whole act of snorkelling would be made much, much easier and in turn would be more enjoyable. The people behind the Easybreath Full-Face Mask for example, believe that their invention has opened the up the underwater world for all those unfortunate individuals who find it impossible to breath through their mouth. They also believe that they’ve eliminated the problem of mask fogging. We on the other hand believe they haven’t done anything of the kind and you can read why we think that here. 

The Easybreath Full-Face Mask now has an unexpected competitor in the I-don’t-want-to-get-my-face-wet snorkelling experience, one which gets rid of the palaver of wearing a snorkel and mask altogether. In other words snorkelling without snorkelling! The snorkelboard (as it’s called) is the brainchild of Murray W. Scott (great American name) who in 1998 had what he calls a “eureka” moment. While clearing his snorkel mask in Bermuda at Tobacco Bay Beach, he noticed that when the mask was no longer on his head and placed on the surface of the water, he had a crystal clear view of the fish and coral beneath him. He thought that if the mask could be placed into a bodyboard, he would no longer have to worry about his snorkelling experience being consistently interrupted by a leaky or fogged up mask. This then, was the birth of the Snorkelboard. Now there are probably some of you who would say that putting a hole in a bodyboard is a bit of an extreme response to a bad fitting mask. Some would even go as far to say that it would probably have been much cheaper and much less effort to simply pop down to the nearest diving shop and found a mask that actually fitted. Murray W.Scott would no doubt disagree with such suggestions, and might point out that he was never going to get rich by telling people to buy better fitting masks. 

So what is a snorkelboard? Well it’s an EPS core board encapsulated in EVA. Which as everyone knows, means that it is made from polystyrene foam encapsulated in an ethylene-vinyl acetate case with, and this is the clever bit, a hole cut in it. Into this hole, Murray has inserted a pair of anti-fog goggles. The company advertises the board like this: Introducing The Snorkelboard®, your personal body board fully equipped with embedded anti-fog goggles! With excellent flotation, stability, and ease of paddling, the Snorkelboard® enjoys a smooth entry line for maximum glide style. No longer will you have to worry about your mask filling up with water, blocking your view with fog or pressing up against the bridge of your nose. Gone are the days of re-breathing spent air left in your snorkel tube or interrupting your experience to equalize(sic) because, with the Snorkelboard® your head never touches the water! This all-in-one thin, sleek design allows for easy storage and leaves carrying heavy equipment in the dust! Available in a wide range of designs and colours, your “at-the-beach-riding-waves-look-at-me” Snorkelboard® experience can be as personalized(sic) as you want. Yes, we know, it does sound like something you’d read in the pages of the Hitchhikers Guide to The Galaxy but that’s advertising for you. The company has also released an advertising video, which you can see below. 

 

Now let’s be honest, despite a number of bemused looking adults using the board in the video, the snorkelboard is almost certainly aimed at kids. In a press release for the 112^th Annual American International Toy Fair, Murray W. Scott said, "We're thrilled to be able to celebrate the close of another successful year.  Looking ahead, we anticipate an exciting 2015 beginning with the Toy Fair.  My team and I look forward to a great show this year. So the snorkelboard is a toy, designed to give children a better experience at the beach and in this respect it appears to have had some success. "I can’t believe my young daughter had the confidence to go in the water at all! The Snorkelboard gave her the stability she needed to try snorkeling(sic) in deep water for the first time. It can now be a total family experience!" was one of the comments used on the company website. The Snorkelboard retails at around $40, which is a reasonable price, and you can customise the colour. There are a few issues however. Firstly, this is a board that glides over the water, and as everyone knows water will lap on and over such boards, which is demonstrated in the video. This means that you will get water in your face – and even with the smallest waves, that will mean a lot of water. This combined with the limited view the anti-fog goggles offer, means that the “snorkelling” experience will be highly compromised in all but the clearest of waters. Secondly, the Snorkelboard does not seem to offer anything remotely innovative for the young snorkeller, rather it takes two separate activities, bodyboarding and snorkelling, and ruins them both. If you want to teach your child to swim (learn flutter kicking) then the Snorkelboard offers a tiny bit more interest for the child, but as a serious piece of snorkelling equipment it is rather lame. If you’re an adult, you are going to look very stupid on one these! There is a third problem as well and that is that Murray W. Scott has created a product that is already eclipsed by the big boy in the market place. The Zayak Sea Sled is vastly more expensive than a Snorkelboard, it’s a lot heavier as well and will give the cabin crew a coronary if you try to shove the thing in the overhead locker but these are not problems, as just like wetbikes and jet skies you can rent Sea Sleds. In the type of crystal clear water that you’ll need to have fun with the Snorkelboard it is highly likely that Sea Sleds will already be there on the beach waiting for you. And that brings up a problem for you parents. Because your child is going to quickly lose interest in their brightly coloured foam bodyboard with the hole in it, when they catch sight of the brightly coloured, super-duper-look-at-me-riding-waves-in-the-Zayak-experience. 

So what’s the conclusion? Well, if you want your child to have a rather tame snorkelling experience, we recommend you rent a Sea Sled rather than buy a Snorkelboard. If you want them to have a slightly better experience, then buy them a Tribord Easybreath Mask, since that’s as much a toy as the Snorkelboard. If however, you want your child to have a good snorkelling experience and perhaps get them interested in skin diving or SCUBA, then we recommend that you take your time and teach them to swim, build up their confidence in the water and then buy them a mask that fits, a snorkel with a purge valve and some fins. Alternatively, if you think your child would prefer to gaze at fish from behind a pane of glass without getting their face wet, take them to an Aquarium. At least you won’t have to worry about them getting sunburn. Oh one last thing for all those entrepreneurs out there, if it doesn’t require a mask, a snorkel and putting your head in the water, it’s not snorkelling!

Fourth Element Pro Dive Amphibious Shorts – Your Grandad Would Love Them

Fourth Element began their mission to create a range of casual and technical diving clothing in 1999. Since then this company with it’s pro-eco philosophy has taken the diving world by storm. Quite a few people even believe, with good reason, that Fourth Element may soon become the predominant player in the dive clothing market. Not bad for a company that was formed over a few beers in Sharm-El-Sheikh. We like Fourth Element. We’ve bought their t-shirts, hats, rash vests and more and all of these products have never failed to impress so we were rather looking forward to trying out their Pro Dive Amphibious Shorts on our recent trip to the Canary Islands. The company blurb states that the shorts were designed for use in and out of the water. The Amphibious Pro Dive Shorts are ultra quick drying with quick draining mesh lined pockets; cargo and back pockets with hook and loop closure (that means Velcro to the rest of us) as well as a crotch gusset for superior comfort. The shorts got a big plus in the looks department, at least from the men. The women, however, were not that convinced. “A bit wannabe SAS” and “too James Bondish” were just some of the comments. Still, since they weren’t designed for women we ignored the smirks and raised eyebrows from our female brethren and proceeded to put the shorts to the test.

The material is indeed as soft as a bunny rabbit’s tail and on land the pockets do what pockets are meant to do. Meaning you can carry keys, a wallet and whatever else you stuff in your pockets. In the water, the large cargo pocket comes in handy for carrying a spare camera lens or torch, as long as both are small. The material did indeed dry fairly quickly, but not as quick as we imagined. There are a number of other problems too. The shorts we tested were medium size (mainly because the guy who bought them swore blind that he was a medium) which equates to a 32-inch waist and yet, the fit was significantly tighter than was expected. So significant in fact that we had to check his other clothes just to make sure he wasn’t telling fibs about his girth. We checked his jeans; his other shorts and even his underwear (much to his protests) and all clearly indicated that he did indeed have a 32-inch waist. Odd then that the shorts were so tight at the waist. The problems didn’t stop there however. The waist may be tighter than a girdle, but the legs flared out at the bottom to an alarming degree. James Bondish they may look in the marketing pictures, but wearing them in reality, our man looked more like Lofty in It Ain’t Half Hot Mum. When snorkelling, this flaring also led to a significant amount of drag. So what do we have here? The shorts are only available in black, which is a touch unimaginative and you’ll pay around £50 a pair, which is a lot of money for shorts that don’t fit very well. Then there’s the flaring cut of the legs that not only looks rather silly on land but also becomes a significant irritation in the water. It was, our man informed us, like swimming with a sail flapping around your legs.

Of course our man may have fallen foul of the problem of Internet buying and should have gone to a shop to try them on – but who has the time? There is also nothing to suggest that buying a larger size would have meant a better fit. Then there is the issue of flaring, if the medium size makes you look like you’ve got a coat hanger in your pockets, the larger size would no doubt double the “billowing problem”. If you have a waist like a wasp and thighs like a Rhino then these shorts are a perfect buy. For the rest of us however, appearing as if we’re wearing our grandad’s shorts on the beach is not the look we want for £50. So we hope that Fourth Element get their fingers out and do something about it – better sizing, better cut and more choice of colours please chaps. 

I like the design Smithers, but they simply aren't baggy enough. Make 'em black and make 'em very baggy d'ya see

British Airways And Iberia Express – An Inconvenient Truth For Your Underwear.

Some say that flying is still romantic, still exhilarating, still the high-life. Others waffle on about the journey being as much a part of the experience as the destination. This may be true if you don’t mind standing in queues for no apparent reason, being subject to intrusive security checks by guards who can barely dress themselves, eating plastic food from plastic containers and generally being herded hither and thither by airline staff who are so orange you worry their liver is about to explode. However, if none of the former appeal, we suspect that like us, the act of travelling by air is a complete pain in the rectum. We have just returned from the island of La Palma in the Canaries (we will be posting photos, videos and more on La Palma in the coming weeks). The Canary Isles, you have to agree, is not exactly the most far-flung destination one can imagine visiting. Yet, the whole process of getting from London to La Palma and back again has been one of the most irritating travel experiences ever. Due to the dates we needed to travel on, we were unable to get a direct flight. So on a dreary Thursday, at the ridiculous hour of 5:30am, we arrived at Heathrow Terminal 5 (T5) for our British Airways flight to Madrid. From Madrid we would connect to an Iberia Express flight to La Palma. We queued, as you do, at check-in for what seemed an eternity before being ushered forward by a smiling orange-faced queue handler. Here, we did what normal sane people do and clarified with the check-in agent that our bags would be checked all the way through to La Palma and then inquired if the flight was on time and that no delays were envisaged - we had a connection to make and we didn’t want to miss it. The girl on the desk gave a sigh and smiled at us in much the same way a frustrated teacher might smile at a particularly stupid group of pupils. Of course the bags would be checked all the way through, the check-in girl insisted, after all British Airways and Iberia have merged and are, for all intents and purposes, the same airline. As for delays, the check-in girl gave us another dismissive smile and informed us that we had two hours in Madrid, which would be plenty of time wouldn’t it? Oddly we believed her. Her face was the same colour as her arms for one thing and she seemed very certain that all was fine. This sort of certainty, for the seasoned traveller, normally starts alarm bells ringing, but it was early and we were still half asleep so we accepted her reassurances. Then it was off to security. Belts off, cameras on, laptops and tablets in the tray; no liquids, no creams, no lotions and definitely no sarcastic remarks, otherwise the men and women who failed to pass the Burger King recruitment test will take delight in frisking you roughly and delving with Neolithic carelessness through your personals.

Finally we entered the inner sanctum of T5. This is the home of British Airways, it’s their palace, their crowning glory, and it is quite dreadful.  T5 has apparently won awards for being the best terminal in the world. Who exactly runs these awards? T5 looks as if it was designed by someone who was obsessed with Meccano and wants their parents to see how very, very clever they’ve been. “Look mum. Look at how I held the roof up with these sloping struts! It’s like I’ve created a class and steel circus big top isn’t it? Look at the joints and the windows and the shiny doors and the stairs and just everything”. Perhaps the parents are indeed impressed, to us however, it just looks unfinished. The dull metal fixtures compete for the world dullness award with dull flooring, which in turn competes with the dull decoration. All are outdone though by the dull looks on the dull people who staff the very, very, dull shops and cafes. In short T5 is dullness times a thousand, which is very dull indeed – but we digress.

It was now 7.00am. The flight was supposed to depart at 7:30 and we arrived at the allotted gate at the time indicated by the information displays. 7:10 came and went, as did 7:20 and oddly 7:30. We began to worry. The flight to Madrid would take two hours and if we didn’t leave soon our “plenty of time” to make our connection would quickly become “no time at all”. Finally, at 7:50, a voice that sounded like an asthmatic talking through a pillow bing-bonged onto the tannoy. We had no idea what was said, but like everyone else at the gate we assumed that boarding would soon commence so we joined the quickly forming queue and waited. And waited. And waited some more, whilst non-existent First Class, Executive Club, Platinum Club, Executive Platinum Premier Club and Business Club passengers were invited to board first. British Airways appears to have more clubs than a caveman’s conference. At last at 8:20 we took our seats on-board and argued amongst ourselves about whether we’d make our connection. At 08:30 the Captain made an apologetic announcement for the delay and explained that it was all due to an administrative error. What an administrative error meant was anyone’s guess. Perhaps someone had handed air traffic control their dry cleaning receipt rather than a flight plan or maybe it was just airline speak for “we’re a bit crap at this flying lark”. Whatever the reason we took off an hour and ten minutes late and we all agreed the trip had got off to a bad start.

We arrived at Madrid with forty minutes to spare, which quickly dwindled to thirty as the aircraft taxied to furthest reaches of the earth. The plane door opened and with uncharacteristic rudeness we thrust our way to the front and were off and running. We ran up escalators, down escalators, along marathon length corridors and onto a terminal shuttle that travelled slower than a snail with cramp. We held up our passports and swotted grumpy immigration officials aside, shoved security officials out of the way with surprising ease, and with lungs bursting and legs aching we made the connection. Unfortunately our bags didn’t. The baggage agent at La Palma gave the usual apologies and asked us what our bags looked like. Perhaps it was frustration or perhaps it was just rage at an airline that can’t transfer bags between flights in thirty minutes when the passengers, us! Can run non-stop for twenty-five minutes, navigate through security bureaucracy and generally be forced to act without consideration for our other passengers in order to make the flight that we snapped and in unison screamed: “They’re bags, they have handles on them, you carry belongings in them and more importantly they have got your bloody airline baggage tag on”! Suffices to say this didn’t have any affect, clearly this baggage agent was more than used to being shouted at. Paperwork was filled out, tracking codes issued and dismissive smiles exchanged but in the end twenty-four hours of the trip were wasted before our bags containing our wetsuits; fins, masks and underwear finally arrived.

Bad luck you might say. Bags get delayed all the time etc and lightening doesn’t strike twice. Well you’d be wrong. Lightening does sometimes strike twice and it did. Our return flight from La Palma to Madrid was due to leave at 14:55. It left at 15:35. Again on arrival the aircraft taxied half way to France before stopping and again we had to hurtle up and down escalators, onto the snail shuttle, through passport control and security and again we made the connection with minutes to spare and again our bags didn’t. The baggage agent at Heathrow was as hardened to our rage as her Spanish colleague at La Palma. BA and Iberia must mishandle a great many bags, as not a single member of staff in either country is remotely concerned about their passengers’ plight. Again we had to fill out forms and describe our bags and again a very unapologetic apology was offered and again with seething rage at the inconvenience we went on our away. 

Now some of you will no doubt say, so what? Just claim on your insurance or from the airline. But this misses the point. For one thing the airline knows the bags were delayed, they told us. They knew where they were and they knew what flight they’d be arriving on. In short why does anyone need to make a claim, the airline should accept that they have deprived their customers of their personal belongings and compensate there and then. A £100 or 100 Euros up front would be a start. Secondly airlines say they will only compensate for essentials, but essentials are open to interpretation. Some people think Marks and Spencer’s underwear is an acceptable essential others wouldn’t be seen dead in anything less the Dolce & Gabbana - quite literally. So what exactly is essential? Do you buy the most expensive deodorant because you like it, or the cheapest because you know the airline will argue that smelling of something cheap and musky is essentially better than smelling of sweat, and much better than smelling nice at their expense!

Thirdly there is the issue of making the claim itself, a long laborious task that most of us suspect is designed to deter the claimant in the first place. There is also a principle at stake here. We refuse to have some bean counter in a shiny suit decide how much our misery and inconvenience is worth. The loss of our twenty-four hours in La Palma cannot be measured simply in pounds and pence. And we refuse to wear I LOVE LA PALMA t-shirts, nasty underwear and cheap deodorant just because they are the “essentials”. In short, we don’t want a meaningless apology, nor are we interested in selective compensation we simply want our bags. How does an airline mishandle the bags in the first place anyway? If BA and Iberia expect passengers to burst a lung making a connection due to earlier delays on their other flights, the least that we passengers can expect is that they do the same to ensure that our bags make it onto the same flight. After all we’re the customers and we entered into a deal – you fly us, and our luggage, to our destination at the same time and in exchange we’ll give you cash. If you can’t do this, let us carry larger items in the cabin. BA isn’t going go do that though, in fact they are talking about reducing cabin baggage – so there will be more luggage for the baggage pixies to play hide and seek with. Of course there is an alternative and that is not to fly with BA or Iberia again and guess what? We won’t be.

Update: it’s twenty-four hours since we arrived back at Heathrow and do you know what’s happened? Yep. Nothing. We’re still waiting for our bags and according to the BA baggage helpline; they are experiencing a large volume of calls at the moment. Now there’s a surprise.