You’ve travelled for miles. Slogging up steep hills, along
winding tracks and down slippery, rock-strewn goat paths. Backpack straps dig
into your shoulders; rivulets of sweat burst from your forehead and cascade
down your face, stinging eyes as they pass. Your feet ache, your legs ache,
your very soul seems to ache. Finally though, as you near your destinations end
and your eyes catch site of the suns rays dancing on the blue waters you know
the suffering has all been worth it. Here on the far-flung corner of a northern
shore you have found that desolate beach. Shingle crunches beneath feet as you
make your way to the waters edge. Dropping your backpack you take a deep
lungful of cool sea air and listen to the evocative sound of wave foaming over
shore. No sand, no facilities, no tourists. This is a snorkellers paradise.
Within a few minutes you’ve kitted up; mask on, snorkel ready, camera checked
and you’re in the water. Minutes become
hours as you scan the rocky seabed, investigate caves, weave through plumes of
seagrass and try your hand at being an underwater David Bailey. Finally though,
as the cold water begins to numb the limbs, you decide that it’s time to head
back to shore for a well-earned laze beneath the sun and it’s then that you
spot them. A leg, then another and another still, a forest of human legs seems
to have suddenly sprouted along the shoreline. You surface, scan the shore and
realise to your horror that an entire tribe of tourists have invaded your
personal Eden and even worse - they are all naked!
To
compound things, as you come to terms with the unexpected sight of so many
wobbly bits on public view, you notice that the owners of those wobbly bits are
now frowning with displeasure at your sudden appearance or to be precise at the
fact that you are carrying a camera. Nudists it seems are not keen on cameras
and even less keen on cameras that can take pictures underwater. In less time
than it takes to say, “strewth, there’s a fat bloke over there with no strides
on”(best said in an Aussie accent), you’ve gone from an ordinary snorkeller to
a perceived pervert. It’s no good smiling or waving either, as this tends to
make things worse. It does seem to help if you have a female companion with you
mind, but even this is no guarantee of avoiding those annoying disparaging
looks and whispered comments. Now while we have no problems with people walking
around in the buff, if that’s what takes their fancy, it seems the
aforementioned buffers do have problems with non-nudists in wetsuits armed with
cameras, and we have no idea why.
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| It's a snorkeller! Get Him! |
Firstly,
there are a great many nudist friendly beaches or even nudist only beaches in
the Mediterranean but not every deserted, off the beaten track beach, you stumble across should be regarded as the personal domain for those who want to go "Au Naturel".
Nudists should realise that such deserted locations tend to be ideal spots for
marine life and as such are a big draw for snorkellers and divers. Secondly,
snorkellers and divers tend to like photographing and filming said marine life
which means they will have cameras that work underwater, but and this is a very
important but, nudists should also realise that no snorkeller or diver is
remotely interested in taking snapshots of their saggy bottoms or over exposed
groins – in or out of the water. Thirdly, it does seem to be a bit odd to want
to get naked in public and yet object to the idea that you might be
photographed. In the UK for instance it is not actually illegal to be naked in
public, but then again if you are in public (where no expectation of privacy
exists) you also have no rights to prevent anyone from photographing or filming
you and most other European countries have similar laws. Finally it seems to us
to be odder still for a nudist to be standing on a beach, butt naked, sun cream
dripping from their never region, and yet still imply by that annoyed look and
angry murmur that those, who have their groins covered, are nasty voyeuristic
perverts. They’re not naked in public - you are - and it was your choice!
So
in a spirit of live and let live, here’s a plea to all those isolated-beach-loving-nudists everywhere. If you seek out those deserted coastlines, remember
that others will too and not all of them will be interested in getting their
tackle out, and if there are no signs saying “Nudists Only”, they have as much
right to be there as you do. So get naked if you like, swim naked, snorkel
naked, even barbecue naked if that’s your thing but please, please, if you
suddenly see our snorkels hovering nearby don’t cast your holier-than-thou
protests in our direction because it’s not only annoying it’s downright
hypocritical. Snorkelling isn’t illegal, having an underwater camera isn’t
illegal either, so give those of us who don’t want to get down with nature by
stripping off the same courtesy and understanding that you demand from us. Oh
and by the way, here’s one other thing, we were probably there before you
anyway.
One
last thing, If you do find yourself surrounded by nudists and you have a female
member in your snorkelling group, it’s probably best not suggest that she get
the "goods out" so as to blend in and dispel any nudisty grumbling. She may well be hugely shocked by such a
suggestion, but not as much as you might be if she happily complies and heads
off to see if there are any sausages on the barbecue…particularly if you’re
married to her!