Please Show Your Tickets Before Entering The Ocean And Don't Forget To Visit The Gift Shop On Your Way Out

Not that long ago we wrote a little piece about the new underwater museum being constructed in Playa Blanca, Lanzarote. The Atlantic Museum is the work of British Artist, Jason deCaires Taylor. Jason is a former theatre set designer, sometime Paparazzi photographer and scuba diver, who hit on the idea of sinking statues in the ocean for other bubble blowers to look at. Now we had some problems with the whole idea and you can read about them in the original post here.

To summarise, we disagree with the idea of dumping statues into the sea. In fact we disagree with the whole notion of creating man-made diving sites by deliberately sinking ships, dumping cars or giant concrete blocks into the ocean altogether. Yes, we understand the argument around eco-tourism, marine conservation and creating sites to draw bubble blowers away from fragile reefs etc. But understanding the argument is one thing, agreeing with the solution that Jason deCaires Taylor and others have come up with is quite another.

For one thing, as we stated in the original post, the creation of these arty installations come at a cost and that cost must be recouped. This means there has to be a charge for anyone wishing to view them. Then of course, once the costs have been recouped, someone, possibly Jason, will want to make a profit. This means the charge will be indefinite and will probably rise year on year. But how do you charge someone for going in the ocean? The installation at Playa Blanca, is not that far from the shore and it would be quite easy for divers, freedivers and snorkellers to reach the location by swimming from the beach. The answer they have come up with at Lanzarote is to create an exclusion zone around the installation. An exclusion zone patrolled by a dedicated security boat. And before anyone comes up with the ludicrous idea that the boat is there to stop the statues being stolen... We'd like to point out that Jason's workshop on the island has an easily accessible yard where the statues are created and stored prior to being sunk into the sea. This yard has no security! So if they were worried about the statues being stolen, this would be the place that you'd think security would be needed. No. The security is there to stop people who haven't paid getting into the site. The ocean ladies and gentleman has effectively been privatised for profit. And as we pointed out before, it won't be long before someone, somewhere gets the idea that if they can charge for viewing one section of the ocean they might be able to charge for all of it. Want to dive from the beach? That'll be 10 Euros please. Going for a snorkel? That'll be 7 Euros. Just fancy a paddle in the sea? Sorry but there is a beach usage charge I am afraid – 5 Euros. And you won't be able to complain either as the charge will be wrapped up nicely with eco-tourism paper and tied with a nice conservation bow – various colours are available. And who can argue with that? Conservation costs you know?

The museum exclusion zone and security boat

Then there is the preposterous assertion that the statues might in some way highlight the plight of refugees, dolphins or society's attitude to global warming. Such assertions go beyond being pretentious and are quite simply absurd arty nonsense. No tourist, diver, snorkeller or even Easybreath Mask wearer is so dumb that they cannot understand the news and can only gain understanding by viewing grey concrete representations of the issues facing the world that have been sunk in the oceans... Alright, maybe Easybreath Mask wearers might be that dumb but the rest of us aren't.

The fact is that such installations are deeply distressing. If you are the type of diver, snorkeller or general tourist who thinks that glaring at concrete sculptures in twelve metres of bluish water is a wonderful experience that satisfies your combined need for conservation, artistic culture and current affairs then the Underwater Museum of Jason deCaires Taylor will be right up your alley. And you won't mind paying for the privilege either because as the saying goes, a fool and his money is easily parted. If on the other hand, you would rather spend your precious underwater time observing the brilliant, amazingly diverse, natural wonders of the ocean (and are capable of understanding news and TV reports about global issues without the assistance of a mime artist, painter or even sculptor giving you a representation) then we suggest that you give these underwater eyesores a miss. Just remember though, that it won't be too long before the money men start casting their gaze towards you. The idea of the ocean being a free and wondrous environment for all may just have had its day and how depressing is that?

One last thing. According to the International Council of Museums, a museum is defined as: A non-profit, permanent institution in the service of society and its development, open to the public, which acquires, conserves, researches, communicates and exhibits the tangible and intangible heritage of humanity and its environment for the purposes of education, study and enjoyment.

We don't think that Jason deCaires Taylor's Atlantic Museum in Playa Blanca, meets that definition. So probably shouldn't call itself a museum then. A better title would be underwater art exhibition. 

The bodies pile up in Jason's very accessible yard

 

Want To Save The Oceans? Then Go And Buy A Bikini

Not that long ago Fourth Element launched their Ocean Positive range of swimwear. The idea behind the range was to give people a purchasing choice. You can either buy a bikini or a pair of budgie smugglers that has a direct impact on ocean welfare or you could buy something else and live with the guilt. What impact can buying a bloody bikini have on ocean welfare you might well ask. Well for a start the Ocean Positive range are made from recycled fishing nets. These “ghost nets” are abandoned by fisherman after snagging on reefs and wrecks and pose a significant threat to marine life. In short they continue to fish even though abandoned, trapping a staggering variety of marine life and resulting in the loss of thousands upon thousand of creatures each year. They also destroy coral as currents drag them across reefs, literally scrubbing the reef clean. But thanks to a recycling process created by the Italian company Aquafil and the Ghost Fishing Project which enlists teams of divers to recover the nets in the first place, this scourge of the ocean suddenly becomes a high quality nylon yarn capable of being turned into a bikini. 

Anyone who has read about ghost nets and their sickening impact on the marine environment would be hard pressed to argue that their removal is a bad thing. And, if you watch the video messages from such people as Amanda Cotton, Dave Schott and others which are on the Ocean Positive website, you would have to have a heart of stone not to be moved by the images of fish, sharks, seals and turtles that have died after being trapped in the nets. So the concept of Ocean Positive is a noble one and unlike some other noble concepts that often turn out to be nothing more than hot air, the team at Fourth Element have turned the concept into a tangible product that you can buy.

The oceans are cleared of ghost nets by heroic divers around the world so saving marine life. The Italians recycle the nets into nylon yarn which apparently means that twelve thousand tons of waste has been eliminated, seventy thousand barrels of oil have not had to be used, forty-two thousand tons of CO2 hasn’t been released into the atmosphere and enough energy has been saved to power a small town for a year or the city of Rome for ten days and to square the circle in all this, all we as consumers have to do, is buy a bikini. What is there not to like about all this? Without wanting to sound like cheerleaders for Fourth Element – whose advertising is pretty dam slick anyway - we can't find much wrong with any of this. It all looks and sounds like a true environmental business success story. There is just one thing though, something that could be a real deal breaker. What if those bikinis aren't any good? You see no matter how noble the idea is, if the resulting product is, shall we say, a bit crap. Then the whole concept falls flat on its noble nose. So there was nothing else to do then but buy some Ocean Positive swimwear and compare them with a brand leader in swimwear to see if the noble idea held water so to speak. The brand we choose was Speedo. The reason is simple. We all own a pair of Speedos already and didn't have to buy anything else to do the comparison. We want to give you a honest review here but we don't want it to cost us too much, we've got beer money to think about after all. Now, we have no idea about how Speedos are manufactured or whether they are recycled or not but that's not the point. Speedo is the leading player in the market and they make very, very good swimwear.

Anyway we bought some Ocean Positive bikini's and swims shorts and put them to the test in the cold waters of Britain. The first thing to note is that Ocean Positive uses some very attractive and very athletic looking models in its advertising. Such people would look good even after running a marathon dressed in nothing more than a refuse bag. We, on the other hand, and we suspect a great many of you are not these people. Though we like to think of ourselves as relatively fit and toned individuals, we do tend to sag a bit in places. The second thing to note is that Ocean Positive swimwear is designed to be worn under a wetsuit and the third thing to note, as we have pointed out before in our review of the Fourth Element Pro Dive Amphibious shorts, is that Fourth Element have a bit of a sizing issue. Now either everyone in the Fourth Element sizing department is an attractive, athletic model who has never met the average diver and his belly or they are confusing the metric and imperial systems of measurement. The result of all this is that the swimwear is pretty snug. So snug in fact that, if you're a man your voice is going to go up a few octaves and if you are a woman you might find you bulge in places you rather wish you didn't. So we recommend that you err on the side of caution and go for a larger size than normal. Interestingly we found no problem with the Speedo sizing, all fitted perfectly. Once the size issue was sorted both sets of swimwear were equally comfortable. Both Ocean Positive and Speedo bikinis' were easy to get in and out of, having no “annoying” ties and clasps that you find on fashion bikinis. We did find that the Ocean Positive fitted more easily under our wetsuits and didn't bunch up in those awkward uncomfortable places like the Speedos did. However we suspect that had we bothered to purchase a more expensive style of Speedo this would not have been a problem either.

The Malaku Bikini won't look this good on everyone!

The Ocean Positive range is rather limited at the moment, but the designs that are available were generally well received, the bikini wearers among us preferred the black Malaku design to any of the others. Black, apparently gentlemen, is more slimming. The deeper voiced among us had even less choice having to settle for either a black or blue pair of budgie smugglers or a pair of black or blue Cayman swim shorts. The swim shorts won the vote as only “twats wear trunks” or something like that. Speedo, as can be expected, has a massive range and Ocean Positive can't really compete on that front. It can however compete on price. Speedo's vast range means that there are decent swimsuits available from around £16 to well over £70 whilst the Ocean Positive range is priced at around £40 for women and £23 for men which is hardly expensive. Then again neither price nor limited range means much when you consider the benefits of the underlying concept. This then is the crux of the matter. In general we found no real difference between the brands. Both performed well, both looked stylish and both were relatively inexpensive. So what it all boils down to, is the concept of how Ocean Positive are made. Take that into consideration and there really is no contest. Ocean Positive then, doesn't fall flat on its noble nose and is, in our opinion, pretty damn good.

In fact we think they are so good that every diver, snorkeller, water enthusiast or beach lover should go out and buy a rash vest, a bikini or even a pair of twat trunks. Yes, the range is a little limited at the moment and yes they might feel a little snug in places and yes, you might sometimes be a little creeped out by the fact that the piece of material cradling your crotch was once full of dead fish but none of that matters because you will feel good about yourself. You have done something positive about ocean welfare. And all you had to do to get this euphoric sense of doing something noble and worthwhile was to buy a piece of swimwear. So go and buy some Ocean Positive stuff and feel good about yourself.

Return To Jellyfish Bay

Isles of Scilly 2016 - Part One

 

Arrghhh me hearties! Tis time to slap on the eye-patch and unpack ye snorkel see. Weigh anchor we cry. Brace the mainsail and raise the Jolly Roger. Tis to the Scilly Isles we head in search of fun, frolics and snorkelling plunder.

Okay, enough of the Long John Silver stuff. In September last year, following stories of large numbers of Mauve Stinger jellyfish being reported in the seas around South West Britain, we were drawn to the waters of the Scilly Isles. Undaunted by the fact that, as their name implies, they come equipped with a painful sting we hoped to get up close and personal with these stunning gelatinous critters. And, at Pelistry Bay, on the Island of St Mary's are hopes were more than met. The previous winters unusually strong storms had driven vast clouds of the Mauve Stingers food source towards the Scilly Isles and the Jellyfish had naturally followed. What we found when we arrived was that the waters around this bay of silver white sand virtually pulsed with Mauve Stingers along with dozens of Compass, Crystal and Moon Jellyfish.

Now, with the hope that the waters were a little warmer, we returned to Pelistry Bay to see if any of the Atlantic Ocean invaders remained as well as seeing what other, more native species, might lurk in the forests of kelp.

The Bay can be reached by foot from the capital, Hugh Town, although it will take some time and if you are carrying cameras, wetsuits, masks, snorkels and several flasks of warming tea (the waters can be cold around here) or are not as fit as you think you are then there is nothing easier than making the journey in an electric golf cart. These can be hired on a daily basis from The Scilly Cart Company for around £40. So loading up the bright yellow carts with our equipment, we strapped on our seat belts, slammed the pedal to the metal and hurtled off up the road at the staggering speed of 5 mph. Yep, golf carts are not that fast and you are going to be overtaken by cars, lorries, bikes and the odd elderly jogger. You are not going to look very cool either. It is, after all, a bright yellow golf cart that makes a horrendous beeping noise when reversing and doesn't cope that well with any of the hills on the island but they are still great fun to weave around the country lanes on. Anyway, looking cool isn't everything, just ask anyone who has a PADI badge sewn onto their clothing.

Blue Jellyfish

Finding a spot to park the N.Y.C cab coloured carts, we followed the rocky path down to the Bay. Pelistry is regarded as the best beach on the island so tends to attract the crowd. Although, this is the Isles of Scilly we're are talking about and a crowd down here is anything more than two people so it never gets that busy. When we arrived, there was a man with a dog strolling along the beach and that was it.

A very dull person, who has lots of diving badges, once told us that the temperature of the waters around Britain are always two months behind the air temperature. So if you went for a dip on a warm June day, the sea temperature would be that of a freezing cold morning in April. This is of course turns out to be utter pig swill! Last September the water temperature was akin to walking into a freezer even though, if the theory was right, it should have been like diving into a hot tub, as July 2015 was very warm. This year, a dip into the sea in July should have been the same as walking around on a cold day in May. It wasn't. It was in fact warmer than last year. Of course when we say it was warmer than last year that doesn't mean it was in fact warm. It's simply that last year the water was cold enough to freeze the balls off a brass monkey. This year the brass monkey would be shivering it's heart out and look decidedly blue, but it's metallic gonads would still be attached – just.

A Wrasse darts through the kelp

So, making a mental note not to pay any attention to dull men in pubs ever again we kitted up and took the plunge. No matter where we have been in the world, there is nothing to compare to the other worldly sensation you get when you snorkel through the kelp and seaweed forests of the Scilly Isles. It really does feel like you are exploring an alien jungle. In places the seaweed completely carpets the ocean bed making it appear that the sea floor is moving back and forth as the fronds are caught in the tidal current. Something that can be a little disorientating if you are prone to the old Mal De Mare. In other parts, the kelps rise up from the ocean floor to form an impenetrable underwater maze that drives the snorkeller one way and then another.

The kelp may have seemed alien but the real aliens we were after were no where to be seen. Our attention wavered somewhat. We loitered a while watching prawns dancing beneath an overhang, we followed various wrasse as they darted in and out of the kelp and then we came across a small blue jellyfish. But that seemed to be that, the shoals of jellyfish we had seen last September had clearly moved on. Just as we were considering calling it a day, a cry went up. Actually it was a more of a loud burble as one of our clan spotted something large and spherical in the murky distance. There, happily drifting through the sunken forest was a huge compass jellyfish, it's tentacles and oral arms trailing a good metre and a half from the bell. Perhaps it had been here for a while, a grown up version of a smaller specimen we had seen last year or perhaps it was a newcomer. Whatever, it put the icing on the cake of our first forage back in the bay. Cameras snapped and film rolled (metaphorically) as we drifted with the gelatinous giant for a while before cold and hunger took hold. 

That Huge Compass Jellyfish

We emerged to find the beach was now full of families sitting on towels, men comparing dogs and a bizarre convoy of jogging pensioners was snaking along the shore. Alright, there was one family and that man with the dog had met a friend but that convoy of pensioners was real - we swear. De-kitted and several mugs of hot tea later it was back to the nippy carts. Time to hit the pub and start talking like a pirate again.

Tis true me hearties! In these far flung parts ye 'ave to speak like old Blackbeard 'imself or the locals won't understand a word ye say. This is Cornwall after all and the language down here is as different to English as Latin is to Swahili. Mines a jar of frothy swill ye scurvy swab and make it quick damn ya eyes....

More pictures and video will be posted on our flickr and youtube pages over the next few weeks so check back again.

We'd Like You To Support This Project..... No Pressure

Have you recently made a donation to a conservation project or charity? If so, you've probably noticed that your email is now chock-a-block with demands for money from every single conservation organisation on the planet. Sign up to the World Rescue Fund for the conservation of poodles and before you know it you are being asked to save the whales, save the donkeys, save the pandas, the rain forests, the badgers, the flatulent gibbons of Patagonia and Donald Trump's hair.

All of which of course are noble and valid causes, with exception of the flatulent gibbons. We just made that up.

Anyway. Farting monkeys aside. We all know that even the most committed of conservationists can become a bit jaded by the endless stream of charities , projects and societies, making ever more hysterical pitches for cash.

Which is why we are a little reluctant to bring to your attention another project that needs a little of your hard earned cash. The trouble is that this particular project is, we feel, one of the most important of its kind and it really does need your help.

Back in 2006, filmmaker Rob Stewart brought the horrific problem of shark finning to a global audience in his ground breaking documentary Sharkwater.

Teaming up with Paul Watson and the Sea Shepherd Organisation, Rob exposed the horror, greed and criminality at the heart of the trade in shark fins and in the process became involved in sea battles with shark poachers, gun boat chases, Mafia gangs. Espionage and attempted murder charges.

The documentary went on to win twenty three international film awards and brought the plight of sharks into the cinemas and living rooms of communities around the world. The resulting public outcry led directly to the banning of shark fining throughout much of the world and spawned a movement to protect sharks Now however Rob is trying to raise more funds via kickstarter to gain support for a new film due for release in 2017. Sharkwater Extinction is described as “a quest to find 80 million missing sharks, revealing a multi billion-dollar scandal that implicates us all in the greatest wildlife massacre ever known.”

It is a story of how our fear of sharks and complacency as consumers has let sharks be slaughtered and turned into lipstick, moisturiser, pet food, livestock feed, fertiliser and even fast food sandwiches. With a major focus of the film being the cosmetics industry — people will be shocked to learn they’ve been smearing sharks on their faces!

The film has the backing and support of Sea Shepherd and a great many others but sadly with just a few days left of Rob's Kickstarter campaign, he is still short of the required goal of $150,000

So if you can help, please visit the kickstarter page by clicking here and make a pledge. If you can't help and we understand that not all of us can, please spread the word so that others that "can" might be made aware of the opportunity.

If on the other hand you are more worried about the lack of pungent air in Patagonia or Donkeys and badgers etc. We apologise for taking up your precious time and wish you the best of luck in saving whatever it is you're saving.

Thanks.

Update July 20th 2016 - Thanks to all those who pledged your support, Rob has now surpassed the $150,000. As of 15:45 GMT the total pledged has reached over $173,000.... Excellent effort guys!